QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

Chicken Wings and Boobie Tassels

Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I Should be on Vacation
...
Mornin' Blogsters!!

It's Thursday - and you know what that means? Tomorrow is Friday then a three day weekend!! Well, for me it is. I know, not everybody gets three days off for Labor Day but if we were all under Sue Law everybody would most definitely have 3 days off. You know, fuck that. If it were Sue Law then we would have 5 days off and only work 2 days a week every week. I think I mentioned that plan elsewhere on this blog someplace...and many other things I would do if I were in charge. But, unfortunately, I'm only in charge of myself. And, sometimes, I'm not even so good at that. I mean, I can't even decide on a fucking hair color!!

Yes, I already changed it. Tuesday night. I just didn't like it so dark. Oh well, it's my right to change my mind.

And speaking of changing my mind, well, actually, it was Dennis' idea to change my mind on when we would be going to Texas to visit my family. If we would have stuck to the original plan you wouldn't be reading this right now because I would be on an airplane headed there as we speak. We originally were going to go there over Labor Day weekend, however, we decided to postpone it and do it over our 5th Anniversary at the end of September. But, fuck!! I want to be on vacation right now!

So, what's been with the lame ass shit on TV lately? I guess because the new season is getting ready to start they're airing all the shit they can until then. Last night, I watched this "Biggest Loser Moments of your Life Caught on Videotape", or something like that. Actually, I think it was called Most Outrageous Moments or something equally pathetic. All I can say is thank God October is right around the corner and Lost will be starting again soon. And, what's sweet is it starts the night after we get back from vacation!! Perfect!! I'll need it after the disappointment from the Rescue Me finale Tuesday night. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't interesting enough to blog about.

I did, however and regretfully, watch some much lighter fare on TV last night. It was a very uplifting program called 20/20 - and the segment was called "The Last Days on Earth". While it was extremely interesting, I now have a whole bunch of new ways to view Armageddon. They gave us a rundown on the top things that could ultimately destroy our civilization. They discussed Gamma Rays, Artificial Intelligence, Black Holes, Nuclear War, Meteors, Biological Warfare, Super Volcanos, Plagues....like I said - very uplifting material for a Wednesday night.


Special Note:
Totally useless but incredibly entertaining link of the day: Check out the Chicken!!! (be sure to ask him to slap his butt, do a cartwheel and to moonwalk - oh and for real kicks ask him to fuck you. Let me know anything else you can get this stupid chicken to do)
posted by suebiedoobie @ 10:44 PM   3 comments
My Confession
...
Hey blog fags, I'm back at work today - not sure for how long. I still feel really nasty. But, I showed up and I'm going to get everything done I can possibly get done then I'm going to go home and crawl back into my bed and make the world just disappear.

But, not before I tell you a little embarrassing fact about myself. I can't be trusted around car keys or cigarette lighters. It's true. And, if you ever meet me in person you better keep your keys on you at all times because they will disappear.

It started out innocently enough. Last Friday night, as you all know already, my husband, Dennis, had his last show with his band. Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy met me at our house so we could all drive together - rather than having 3 cars in one place, there would only be 2. Of course, it was threatening to storm all day last Friday and I found out a very interesting fact about this show when Dennis called me around 4:00pm Friday afternoon. The conversation went something like this:

Dennis: Wow, I think we might actually get rained out tonight.
Me: What do you mean rained out? How can you get rained out?
Dennis: Well, it is outside you know.
Me: Ummm....no, you failed to mention that to me in the past 2 months you knew about this show.
Dennis: Oh, well, yea, it's outside. But we'll be under the amphitheater.
Me: Oh, that's great. So the rest of us are pretty much fucked then?
Dennis: Yea, that seems to be the situation.
Me: Ok, well, I'll see ya later.
Dennis: Oh, can you bring me a cord I really need before we start playing at 7:30?
Me: Sure, ok, yea, whatever.

Dennis: Oh, and by the way, there will be no alcohol served at this gay concert.
Me: Fucking figures.
Dennis: Yea, I know.

So, I have to be there before 7:30. Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy are meeting me at my house at 6:00. Singer Chick gets there right at 6:00, but Bass Player Guy is running a little bit late. So, he arrives and everything is good, we're hitting the door. But, what the fuck, Singer Chick can't find her keys. We look everywhere, waste about 15 minutes looking for these fucking keys. I'm convinced that she locked her keys in the car - but she looks in the car and no, they're not there. No keys. I'm thinking - What the Fuck did she do with her fucking keys? Jesus. She was only in my living room and bathroom - how fucking far could they have gotten? So, I'm yanking off cushions from the couch thinking the couch ate them - but no. I'm thinking - oh well. Well have to find them when we get back because we're already running way too fucking late. I reach into my purse to grab my keys but what do I pull out instead? Singer Chicks keys. They look like my keys enough. I must have grabbed them, thinking they were mine, and stuck them in my purse. So, we waste about 20 minutes because of my stupid ass.

We do wind up making it there just in time and the show was incredible! We got drenched, tho, so we were all wet from the little bit of rain that came down. Fast forward to later, when we tell Dennis we'll meet him at home and we'll go buy some booze. We stop at the Jewel about 5 miles down the road from home. Of course, I have a Jewel-Osco preferred card on my keyring so I use it when we ring up at the automatic checkout lane. Everything is good, we head back to our house. We get to our house and guess what? I can't find my fucking keys!! And Dennis is still a good 2 hours from getting home. What the fuck could I have done with my keys? FUCK!!! I left them sitting at the checkout lane at the store!! Holy hell, I hope they're still open!!

Fortunately, they were and we went back to get my keys. Dennis got home, we all got trashed, and life was good. Although, I do now know why I've been feeling like shit since Saturday. My brother in law, that was filming the entire show and hanging out right next to us, had the flu all week long. Asshole. Stay the fuck away from people if you're sick!!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:56 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Go Away
...
Not blogging today blog freaks. I'm sick. I'm coughing. And sneezing.

So, screw you guys, I'm going back to bed.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 10:40 AM   3 comments
Monday, August 28, 2006
I'm a Fucking Moron
...
Well, here it is, Monday, again. Weekend went by way too fucking fast - but they always do.

This one was completely filled too, I might add.

But, first, I need to apologize to my friend, Kim. See, Kim was having a Save a Pet Alumni picnic on Saturday and I'm a moron because I completely forgot. It was a mess this weekend. I won't offer any excuses other than I'm a dumbass and I need to organize my time better so I don't forget that I told a friend I would be there. I know what you're thinking, and I already think about it myself. The problem is, I didn't even remember until about 11:00 o'clock last night. I kept thinking all weekend long - there's something I'm forgetting, but fuck if I can remember what it is. Then it struck me. And I'm really really sorry Kim. Fuck!! I guess you can take the blonde outta the hair, but not outta the head.

So, Dennis played his last show with Delta32 on Friday night. It was an awesome show too. Which makes it all kinda sad somehow. Not sure how yet, but the emotion is there on the surface. Dennis did his acoustic set in the middle of the show and it was the best part. See, he wrote a song for his father - who died suddenly last October. I think everybody cried during that one it was so emotional. Of course, his whole family was there so it really hit a lot of people. I'm just surprised he made it through the song without losing it.

Of course, we were up until God knows when very early Saturday morning. I think by my watch it was about 3:00am by the time we got to bed. And, Saturday, was insane - had to go and get all the guitars and amps that were left on the bus. Along with about 1000 other things that had to be done.

Tried to watch a few movies this weekend. I say tried because one I totally gave up on within 30 minutes into it - V for Vendetta? If you haven't seen this, don't waste your time. It's the most boring waste of millions of dollars on a movie that ever was. Okay, maybe not EVER. I do recall Battlestar Earth being slightly worse. Also tried to watch The Island on one of the worthless pay movie channels on cable. It was slightly more interesting than V for Vendetta, but way to fucking long. I fell asleep about an hour and 15 minutes into it and woke up when it was ending. And it didn't appear that I missed much.

I did watch a bit of the Emmy's last night - maybe about 20 minutes worth, which is about all I can stand of an awards show. Conan did a pretty good job, from what I saw. I just found that the categories were really - stupid? I mean, for somebody to get nominated for a guest appearance when she was only in the thing for 14 seconds on film - well, that has to be an insult to every other actor who works hard all year long and doesn't win *coughDennisLearycough*. Seriously, people. I've seen 24, and, yes, it's a decent show but come on. Keifer's acting prowess just doesn't measure up to Dennis Leary in Rescue Me. So, we watched about 15 minutes of this crap and changed the channel.


Did Bob Newhart live?

So, Kim, I hope that you an forgive me and that everything went well for you on Saturday.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:41 AM   0 comments
Friday, August 25, 2006
Artificial Intelligence
...
Hey, asstrouts, it's Friday. Just in case you forgot or something. And I get off work today at 1:30! Neener neener neeeeeeeeeennnnnnner!!

Well, I'm no longer a blonde.

I'm more of a.....I dunno, what would you call this?

I guess it's brownish, reddish, goldish, I dunno. Cinnamon, fuck who knows. They don't just call the haircolors brown, black, light brown. It's all shit like Mango, Caramel, Light Caramel, and Monkey Ballsack Brunette. All I know is that my hair isn't yellow anymore. And I actually felt my IQ go up a few notches with every second of the hair dye soaking in. Too bad it's artificial intelligence.

I like it, it feels much more healthier. And I got chastised (see, I'm using new words now that the blonde is gone) by The Singer Chick who did my hair for using shit products. The ends of my hair were so fucking dry that we did wind up cutting off a little more than I wanted to. But, at the rate my hair grows it should all be back by Halloween. And I feel really bad because I freaked out in her chair. Yea, I'm one of "those" that freaks out when I see hair dropping from my head to the floor. Trust me, I look like my brother and my brother is bald so therefore, vicariously through him I know what I would look like bald and, it ain't pretty! I'm thinking that I might have her add a few more blonder highlights (there's some in there, just not a whole lot) and that would be it. Whatdya think?


So, tonight is it. The final show!! Dennis is excited because he loves playing shows, but a little sad today too I think. He's not sad that he's moving on because he's excited about his prospects on that horizon, wherever it takes him - even if it takes him nowhere. It's just that I guess when you work for two years on a project it's a little sad when it's over. Kind of like a relationship. Even though you know it's volatile you still hang in there anyway. Once you're gone you're happy you're gone and you know the reasons why, but you still kind of mourn for what could have been I guess. I don't know if this is what he's feeling or not, but if I were to guess that's the way I would think it.

So, have a great weekend everybody! Don't do anything that you wouldn't normally do (what?).
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:48 AM   2 comments
Thursday, August 24, 2006
What Do You Think?
...
Wow, what a stormy Thursday morning!

I left at 6:20 because I knew it would be a rough ride into work in this storm. And, I was right. It wasn't as bad of a drive as I thought it would be - all things considered I actually got to work early by about 15 minutes. And I fully intend on using that to my advantage when I leave work this afternoon. Hey, I'm 15 minutes early, I'm leaving 15 minutes early. That's right!! I don't care. And why don't I care you ask? Because my boss is out all fucking day long taking his daughter back to college so he can't tell me no. And I really don't give two fucks what my coworker thinks. So there.

This is all I saw out my window at one point this morning. And I had my wipers on full blast. My husband, Dennis, got rained out of work today. So, the asshat was in bed, where it's nice and warm, as I got ready for work this morning. I wanted to smoke some herb and climb back into that bed, but noooooo. I have to get up, take a shower, put on contacts, makeup, get dressed and drive in the fucking freakshow of a storm and go to work. It's good he's off today tho. He really needs to work on the acoustic set he's doing at this charity event tomorrow night. He would be fine without the extra time today of working it out, but, it's always nice to have an extra day to prepare. And, with it being his final show with the Jesus freaks he wants to make it a good one.

I actually hemmed my own jeans last night. They could probably stand to be a tad shorter, but I would rather they were a 1/2 an inch too long than a 1/2 an inch too short. But, if they were a 1/2 an inch too short it sure would have come in handy walking through the parking lot at work today.

As you can see, I didn't park across the lot like I usually do. To do that, I would have needed to build an ark first.
...
So, tonight I'm finally going to take the plunge and get my hair highlighted. I'm still not sure what I want. I'm thinking about going a tad darker since it's starting to get later in the year but I'm still undecided. I would like to go with some caramels and gold tones with a little blonde here and there - a little Jessica Albaish before she went so blonde. Come on my opinionated little bloggers (and I know you have an opinion, I have the emails to prove it) and tell me what you think. Or, better yet, find me some pictures of something that sounds like I described. Please?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:48 AM   1 comments
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Rescue Me - Hell
...
Well, this show keeps getting better and better.

Where to start...Ok, how great were the scenes where Tommy is telling everybody that Johnny is dead and the reactions? And the Dad - well, it was pretty hard to watch. Very sad.

Johnny's message to Tommy before he died. Well, I was surprised by that. His brother is just such a cockmaster I can't see him actually doing that. But, what's worse is Tommy taking advantage of that by leaving Johnny a message after he knows he's dead and having Janet hear it in order for Janet to think he's not such a shit. He's STILL trying to get into her pants. After everything.

You know that Sheila is going to just go postal on Tommy once she finds out that Tommy is trying to get back with Janet. Which will, undoubtedly, cause Tommy to not leave the firehouse and run off with Sheila, especially with Janet pregnant. But, who's baby is it? Tommy's of Johnny's? That's the big question.

Tommy is up to his old tricks again - seeing dead people. That freaked me out when he was talking to Johnny in the casket and Johnny "came to life" in front of him. And the way he freaks out and slams the casket closed. Then at the funeral he sees all the dead people in his life. Now he just has a whole lot more dead people to see. Added this season to his list is his son, his brother, and his firefighter pal. Pretty soon there'll be more dead people on the show than living people. Now only if he could channel some Jim Morrison in with those dead people then we have a show. At least he's not seeing Jesus anymore. But, by the same token if he was still seeing Jesus and somebody asks him, "Have you found Jesus." he can be one of the only people to actually be able to say, "Yes." and really mean it.

And I still can't believe that Maggie and Sean decide to get married - right there, at the funeral. Who the hell does that shit? Well, Maggie apparently. So, the wake turns into a wedding reception. I don't recall ever seeing that done before, so score one for originality.

What about the scene with Probie and Sean doing the pickup dance at the bar. That was pretty funny. In a sick and twisted way, of course. Probie's hitting on guys, Sean's hitting on chicks. Fucking strange. What the fuck is up with Franco and the girl he's seeing looking like his daughter? That's pretty fucked up. And Jerry seems to be on the mend in the hospital following his heart attack. And, finally, Uncle Teddy wants out of prision. His freak ass penpal wife is fucking up his conjugalal visits. Sometimes the fucking you're getting ain't worth the fucking you're getting I guess.


So, who's leaving the firehouse, who's staying at the firehouse, what's going to happen in the finale, and who will be back next season....stay tuned. One more episode left.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:54 AM   2 comments
Sewing 101
...
I know a lot of people are going to be bored shitless with what I'm going to talk about today, but guess what. It's my blog and I'll write about what I want to write about.

Last night I accomplished my first feat at the sewing machine. I altered a bra. And, keeping with the day old tradition of sharing it in photographs, I figured I would share with you the steps necessary to complete this mission.

Here is the very first thing, and the most important thing, you must do in order to properly sew any article of clothing. Make yourself a stiff drink and a grilled cheese sandwich.

And, I might add for you anal weight watchers points counter types that this is indeed a 2 point grilled cheese sandwich. Wonder Lite bread, a wedge of Laughing Cow Lite Babybell cheese, and some squirts of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray. It was ok, wasn't my moms grilled cheese sandwich, but then again that was probably about 7 points done the old fashioned way. I digress...

After eating the grilled cheese sandwich and downing a drink, I would highly suggest puffing on some cheeba. Not necessary, mind you, but it does aid in the threading the sewing machine process.


And here is the sewing machine fully loaded. As well as I, fully loaded. Ok, on to the next step so we can get this out of the way and discuss Rescue Me.

Here is the bra before:

Here is the bra after:

Ok, I have a confession. And I should have provided some photographic evidence of this, but, frankly, it was just way too embarrassing to even consider showing you. When I stitched the hook part back on the bra? I put it on backwards and had to redo it. Yea, I know. Maybe drinking and smoking while sewing isn't a good idea. I should get an SUI (Sewing Under the Influence) for this.

And that's all there is to that. Ok, now I'm bored with this whole sewing thing. Time for another drink!!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:25 AM   2 comments
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
No Wonder I'm Insane
...
Remember when I told you you'll have to put up with my vacation photos on here in the very near future?

Well, fuck that. You get to see the hell I get to go through to get to work....through pictures! Yea, I know. what could be fucking worse than having to put up with me ranting at least three times a week about traffic? Having to see it in pictures!! Yea, lame, I know.

It started out good enough. I made it out of the driveway and didn't even have to stop. I thought this was a good sign, but little did I know what waited for me around the corner. Wall to wall stopped dead traffic. What the fuck? There's never traffic here - it usually starts about 5 miles down the road. And you know what that means? I'm pretty much fucked.

So, I turn around and go the other direction. That proved to be even worse. So, I decided I'll just go back the original direction and deal with it. It took me about 25 minutes to travel about 7 miles to get to my turn off. And you wonder why I'm insane?


As soon as I make my turn what greets me?

Yea. It's blurry and not real clear but I'll tell you what the fuck it is. A big ass truck with a big ass trailer carrying a load of some shit that's piled up way too fucking high and not tied down in the back at all. And the asshole knows it because he's only going 30 miles per hour. In a fucking 55 mile an hour zone. Complete asshat. Yea, I know, they have to get to where they're going too. But if you're going to drive a truck that isn't loaded properly have the decency to do it at a better hour.

So, as soon as I get around this dumbfuck I get this:

Yea, you guessed it. A fucking mini van full of kids with the mom behind the wheel - pulls out right in front of me. And goes about 35 miles an hour. People, if you're going to pull out in front of a Mustang then, please, for the love of God, do the fucking speed limit okay? Sweet Jesus.

After about 7 minutes of that annoying shit the dumb bitch driving the mini van finally turns and lets me go about my way. So, it's smooth sailing for about 7 miles then, lo and behold, I'm about to encounter Long Grove. The pit of traffic hell.

Fuck!!! This is when I start downloading these fucking pictures to my photo site. I have the time. I also apply some lipstick, some mascara, some eyeliner. Hell, if I had a laptop computer I could have written War and Peace. And still had time to pleasure myself.

And here I am, 20 minutes later. Its blurry because I'm slapping my face with my phone trying to wake myself up. Still fucking backed up. Christ!!

Well, there is good news to all this shit. I got to work at 8:05 (35 minutes late) and nobody is here yet!! You know what that means? Nobody knows I'm fucking late!! Score!!

It's going to be a beautiful day!

posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:11 AM   4 comments
Monday, August 21, 2006
Question of the Day
...
Is a cult a religion without any political power?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 2:30 PM   0 comments
Oxymoron of the Week
...
Happy Monday Bitches!!

Yea, I know. Happy Monday is one of life's biggest oxymorons. Unless, of course, you're either a) old, feeble & retired, b) between 2-5 years old and you don't have to get up and go anywhere or c) a completely insane type A personality that loves your job so much you go in extra early on Monday just because you love to. And I hate those types. They are the worst.

So, this weekend was okay. I mean, it wasn't great. A great weekend would have included winning the lottery on Saturday and being in Hawaii by Sunday. Of course, neither of those things happened so it really was just okay. My hubby helped Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy move a laser hair removal machine onto a truck so they can move it to her new location. Of course, they did come over Saturday night and we did drink heavily. I paid the price for that one Sunday morning, that's for sure. Woke up with a mean ass headache. So, did the ole wake n bake, fell back asleep, and felt better when I woke back up 3 hours later. Yea, I know. Lazy.

I have to stay an hour later at work today because the bitchasscoworkerfromhell is out today. And I'll be leaving an hour late tomorrow because she has to leave early. She's not really a bitchassfromhell, well, sometimes she is, but she is today because I have to work late on a Monday. Asstrout. But, it's all good. My boss told me that I could come in an hour later, but I said no. I think I'll work an extra hour on Monday and Tuesday and leave 2 hours early on Friday. Which would put me right at leaving at 1:30 next Friday. Schweeeeet. Which is great because my husbands final show with his band is Friday. Then he's done with that.

It's been a bittersweet thing about this final show with Delta 32. It's so good for everybody involved that it makes it incredibly sweet. Everybody can move on to the things that they really want to do - which for my husband means getting Bass Player Guy and his friend Jimmy to do what this was supposed to be - a kick ass rock band. For the remaining Delta 32 members it means moving on to do their Christian missionary band after Randi gets back from the UK doing a few Enuff Znuff shows with Chip. I'm still figuring how that is going to motivate him to do a Christian Missionary band, but whatever. I'm just so happy that my husband won't be involved in a band called Delta 32 anyway. I mean, really, what kind of name is that for a band? Seriously weak, dudes.

I did buy a sewing machine yesterday. It's a Singer I got at Walmart for a hundred bucks. It did take me most of last night to figure out how to load the bobbin with thread, and thread the fucking thing. There HAS to be a better way to run a sewing machine than to run the thread thru a mazing jungle of feeders that will undoubtedly make it wind up getting caught up somewhere and causing me serious frustration. And who writes the instruction manuals for these fucking things? Good luck trying to decipher that one. But, by the end of the night I had the thing threaded and took a shirt that I'm sure my husband won't notice is gone, cut it up, and ran some test stitches. And, low and behold the mother fucker works. Who knew? Next step....Altering a few bras so they'll actually fit now. I wonder how bad I can fuck that up?


**Side Note - Anybody see the pathetic attempt by Kevin Federline to actually try to be a performer last night? And I tthought Britney had no talent......
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:48 AM   0 comments
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Bears Win!!
...
Beat San Diego 24-3

da Bears
posted by suebiedoobie @ 3:36 PM   2 comments
Friday, August 18, 2006
I'm Baked
...
Ahhh...Friday, glorious Friday. The day that officially ends my work week. The day the Angels sing. Only one thing would make this Friday even better - if it were Saturday. See, I can't compose one single paragraph without bitching about something. But, I must confess. I mainly do it for your amusement. Otherwise why would you be here? Would you prefer that I discuss how insanely cute my dog is? Or share pictures of my family vacation with you and tell you mindless stories about how my Aunt Clara can't take a shit now without wearing diapers? No? Didn't think so. But, I will say this - I probably WILL share pictures on here of my upcoming vacation and there's nothing any of you can do about it because it's MY BLOG!! *evil laugh*

So, onto the task at hand. Today's entry. I have no idea what to talk about today so I'm just gonna wing it. My boss is out today - well, I know he'll be out this afternoon and probably most of the morning with a hangover or some shit. He went out last night with some friends and this afternoon he's taking his oldest kid back to college. Which means that jerking around online while I'm at work this afternoon will ensue. Like that's a total shocker.

No plans for the weekend other than housework tomorrow morning. It has to be done. I was so busy last weekend that nothing got done and now my house smells something like ass. And ass is not a good smell for a house. I wish I could train my dog to clean the house while I'm at work. That would be so cool. Hey, they can train a fucking bird to talk why CAN'T they teach a dog to clean? In my world that totally would be possible.

And, no, I'm not going to go praise Jesus on Sunday in some building only deemed holy by a human being. Good for you guys that are going to do that, but I intend to wake and bake by 7:00 followed by some lazy sex and going back to sleep. Yep, that's how I like to spend MY Sunday mornings. Oh, but then we have to help some friends move a hair removal laser thingy from one place to another. Singer Chick is moving her laser removal business to another more established location, I guess is how you would put it. Yea, she decided to move her business, what, two weeks after doing her website? Fucking bitch. *heh* Just kiddin'. You know I love ya Bethany.

Oh, and da Bears play tonight. There's something about pre-season football that just kinda makes me sad. Usually it's because I know Grossman is going to probably get injured somewhere in preseason, but this year it's because Summer is coming to a close. But, I can't complain. At least my hubby was home this summer instead of out on a tour bus for the whole fucking summer. God, I'm glad no more touring. Gone for three week, home for two weeks, gone for six weeks....it really sucks ass. But, you know, if that's what he really wanted and still wanted I would be totally supportive about it because, well, sometimes it isn't about what I want. OHMYGOD, yes, I admit that and I know that. Fuckers.

So, what are you guys all up to this weekend, my filthy little blog readers?


Song of the Day
a drop in the grey an awful truth
these momentums all about you
this confusion is clearer than most
my freedom has been challenged
chains freedom buried within
walls of this kingdom always been thin
stubborn fragile full of contempt
addicted to this prison
bee bop be alive ya'll awhop boba lo bop a wop bam boom!
fighting the balance in between
biting and living terrible scenes
emotional animals standing to fall
addicted to religion
god is something I don't understand
I know nothing its what I am
tsunamis earthquakes terrible things
a hundred million reasons
bee bop be alive ya'll awhop boba lo bop a wop bam boom!

Want a sample of this song? Go here - it's called BeBop
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:46 AM   1 comments
Stupid News from Around the World
...
Ok, just had to add this...a news clip.

Now this is huge news okay so let's all take it seriously.

They have discovered, get this, that there is a link between music taste and HIV risk. Did we need research to know that gay guys like gay music? Seriously?

Unfuckingreal.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:10 AM   1 comments
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Addicted to Religion?
...
I'm going to try to get deep on this thing today. But, never fear. I'm sure I'll still wind up botching the job and being a complete smart ass somewhere along the line. And, if you're easily offended by any of the following you shouldn't be reading my blog anyway:

Religion, Sex, Drugs, Politics, Foul Language, Boobs, Fart Noises, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Rim Jobs, Jobs in General, Jesus, Urban Decay, People Who Can't Spell, People Who Can't Read, People Who Smell Like Crap, People in General....

So, onto to today's topic. Can you be addicted to religion? I thought about this for the past few days since my husband brought it up, and I'm beginning to think it's entirely possible.

Take somebody who has an addictive personality to begin with. Whether it be cigarettes, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, clothes (that would be me), whatever it is. Wouldn't it be a safe thing to say that if that kind of a person were to get involved in, say, a church group, that they wouldn't wind up, I dunno, addicted to it in a way where it affects their every day life and the lives of those around them?

Merriam-Webster says this about addiction:

Main Entry: ad·dic·tion
Pronunciation: &-'dik-sh&n, a-Function: noun1 : the quality or state of being addicted Addiction to Reading 2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

Ok, so that's really broad, but if you look at the noun version of addicted they even mention an additiction to reading. So, if you can have all these addictions this brings me to my next question:

What would some of those 12 step meetings be like?

Hi, I'm Bob and I'm a Jesus addict. I love Jesus. No, I mean I really LOOOVE Jesus. Jesus looks good.


Ok, I think I crossed all sorts of lines there. What I have fun picturing is the sex addict 12 step meetings. I mean, you've got all these horny people sitting around talking about sex. Seriously, you might as well just hand out a Hustler Forum (or whatever it's called) at the door and make a day out of it.

Ok, I'm fresh out of ideas here. And, I'll go back to the very first statement: I'm sure I'll still wind up botching the job and being a complete smartass somewhere along down the line. And I did. At least I'm consistent.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:39 AM   0 comments
The Immigrant Song
...
This was just sent to me and I found it to be so fucking dead on that I decided to post it here. Comment, don't comment. I don't give a shit. But, read it and understand what it means.

Subject: Fw: Immigration letter

My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the Orange County Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to "print" it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined.
Dave LaBonte (signed)

Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange County Register:

Dear Editor:

So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statute of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry. Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer.

Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home. They had waved good-bye to their birthplace to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity.

Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany, Italy, France and Japan. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan.

They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag th at represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here.

These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl. And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about.

I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags.

And for that suggestion about taking down the Statute of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.

(signed)

Rosemary LaBonte
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:00 AM   1 comments
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Rescue Me - Twilight
...
For those of you out there that could give two shits about Rescue Me there's good news for you. There's only a couple more episodes left to this season!

More about Rescue Me later.

I decided I want to get a cheap ass sewing machine. I have so many cute things that just don't quite fit. Either a top gaps strange under the arms, or my Bebe jeans are just a tad too long, and one top needs the straps taken in. I'm very anal about how things fit. And I'm really cheap when it comes to this kind of thing - I can't see spending more to alter something than I paid for it. Which, actually, is extremely logical. I have so many things that could use some taking in that I figured I could just take the stuff I don't really care if I fuck up first and figure out how to do alterations on it before screwing up the stuff I really want to wear again. It's not like I've never done anything like this before - I had to take home ec in high school like the rest of you bitches.

So last night I found myself at Target looking at sewing machines. Yea, it was a real slow night. And the more I looked the more confused I got. I'm a sucker when it comes to buying shit like this. I'm looking at the real cheap ones going - yea, that's what I want. But, then I look over to the next line up and I'm thinking, "Wow, that would be nice too. I have no idea what that does, but it looks cool enough on the machine.". So now I have no idea what I want. But here's the part I'm pretty fucking proud of. I walked out of the store and didn't buy a thing. And that's a hard thing for somebody with my weakness for shopping to do. But, don't start sucking my dick just yet - I have to go to the Mac store tonight and pick up a few things. So, we'll see how that goes.

On to Rescue Me...

So, Tommy's dad almost burns Tommy's house down and Tommy wants to kick him out into an old folks home, but Tommy's dad isn't digging on that idea at all. So he takes off for a while. They eventually find him and they set him up living with Lou's cousin, I think it is? But, I have a feeling something very strange is about to happen there. It just has to!!!

Sean finally talks Maggie into getting married in a church so they go visit a Priest at a Catholic church. Now, see, after recent events in the last few weeks and my dealings with all thing religion, I can kind of relate to Maggie's melt down at the church. I woulda probably been creeped out too. Granted, she definitely could have handled it better but Sean finally stood up to her and that's good for Sean because he can be such a fucking pussy. Is it me or does everybody just love Tatum in this show? I would say she can still act her ass off, but maybe portraying a psycho isn't that far of a stretch? But, good for her I say. The world needs more freaks on the main stage.

Probie is still gay. I think he's even more gay this episode than the last. I don't care that he humped a whore in this episode. He was more concerned about what kind of conditioner she used in her hair to make it so soft and shiny than what was under the covers. He's fighting it, but it's a futile fight.

Tommy's none too happy about Lou's newest sex partner. She's hot as all get out - and also still a nun in the last stages of leaving the convent. Great. And Jerry's Jamaican bitch, what the fuck is that all about? He's banging the hell out of her and has a heart attack or something and she bails on him? Leaves him there and doesn't call 911 or anything because she's illegal? Somebody needs to bitch slap that chooch.

Sheila buys a beach house that Tommy says he likes. I dunno what's going to happen here, but if Tommy doesn't hook up with Sheila I think she's going to go all postal on his ass. She's already a freak enough as it is.

Which leads me to the finale last night - Johnny gets shot, like, I dunno - 3 or 4 times in the chest on a stake out. That's going to send Janet into a tizzy. I'm not sure if they're going to kill off his character or not, but if they do then I can see Janet hooking up with Tommy again in grief, Sheila killing Janet, Tommy getting blamed for killing Janet, then Tommy's evil twin will show up and confesses to the whole thing. Then we'll find out that Janet isn't really dead, that she was faking her own death the whole time to get Tommy's millions...oh, wait, we're talking Rescue Me, not All My Children.....my bad.


Side Note: Here is an article about Denis Leary and how the Leary Firefighter Foundation has raised $7 million for equipment and training for firefighters in New Orleans, New York, Worcester and Boston, in part through special events like his annual celebrity hockey game. On Tuesday, Leary was in Boston to donate a $250,000 fire boat to the city department. Makes me like the guy even more.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:48 AM   11 comments
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The Morning of the Living Dead
...
I had the oddest feeling this morning. It was kind of like DejaVu, but not really. Well, nothing like it except that feeling you get with DejaVu - it only lasts a second but in that split second of time you're nowhere at all in synch with the universe. It's like the world is spinning but you're standing still. Just odd. It could be that I'm still a little buzzed from last night. Which would definitely make more sense than what it seemed really happened.

Here it is. I pulled onto the highway and there was nobody there. As far as I could see there was nobody there. For at least 2 miles in either direction. No cars, no people, no animals....nothing but the feeling of emptiness. I imagine that's what it feels like in those stupid movies - don't even think about me telling you the name of said movie because I didn't find the movie interesting enough to remember (I do believe it was remade later or it was the exact same premise as the one I'm thinking about and they called it 28 Days I believe. Nevermind).

The feeling was this - that for a split second in time I felt like I was the only living soul on the planet. That everybody else disappeared and it was just me. Of course, if it was the movie I would very soon realize after I came up over a hill that everybody else had turned into Zombies and wanted my sweet zombie virgin ass. Which didn't happen. I turned onto the road to get to work and that feeling was immediately replaced with one thought - FUCK!!! Yes, this road I turned on that should have been the road I felt completely and utterly alone on was replaced by a parking lot of cars aligned single file for as far as the eye could see. At least 2 miles - probably further. Shit!! And they weren't Zombies. Just regular people, just like me, at a stand still and just looked like Zombies at 7:00am without their morning latte. I decided I liked the alone road much better and turned my ass back around and went the other direction.


Side Note: I decided to get a season pass to Weeds on Showtime because, well, I figured it had to be right up my ally. Turns out it's really a funny show. I only saw one episode last night, but if you are a Weeds fan please email me. I have questions. Thanks.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:50 AM   3 comments
Gender Confusion
...
My good friend Kimberly emailed this to me this morning and I thought it was too good to not share. I usually hate these kinds of emails because it requires me to actually do some reading and paying attention - two things that have been extremely difficult for me to master. But, here goes.

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender. And here's a list of such things:

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated

A Hot Air Balloon is Male because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom

A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:10 AM   0 comments
Monday, August 14, 2006
It's Monday Already?
...
Sweet Jesus. Wasn't yesterday Friday? Fuck!!

At least it's quiet here in the office at 7:30am. Boss isn't here, coworker isn't here, just me and the nice quiet hum of all the electronics emoting some sure fire cancer causing substance that will clearly help me meet my doom. I'm awfully cheery this morning don't you think? I actually have got to get some work done today since I blew off most of Friday playing on the internet. Maybe that's why I hate Mondays - I have the Friday work hangover problem of not getting my work done and having to deal with it all on Monday. Maybe this Friday I'll actually get all my work done and not have to deal with so much on Monday. And, well, my dog might learn to shit and not get crap on his ass too. I'm not holding my breath on either one.

You know, my husband still doesn't even know about this blog. And I'm not sure why I haven't told him. I think it's because I don't care what you guys all think, obviously. And he is probably the only person on this planet (I should say, that is still alive) that I care 100 percent what he thinks. And, he's a pain in my ass. He'll no doubt poke fun at my stupid little tales of idiocy on this incredibly insane blog of mine. If you think I'm bad, you haven't seen anything yet. Where do you think I developed my taste for the cynicism? I had the best snark coach on the planet! But, I love you dearly sweetheart and that's the number one thing I love about you most - you're the snarkiest but most lovable slug on the planet. Maybe I'll tell him about this someday soon. Maybe not.

Anyway, this weekend had it's highlights and it's lowlights and stuff in between. Friday night - lowlight. Preseason football started on Friday night for our beloved Chicago Bears (da Bears). But, it wasn't a very good night for them. They got their asses kicked by San Francisco 14-28. Now, I gotta ask anybody that knows anything about the Bears in the past 3 years - what the fuck is the fascination with Rex Grossman? Ummm....he's a pussy? There, it had to be said. I mean, come on! I would almost guarantee that he will be out with an injury before the first regular season game. Or at least until they play the Packers. But, oh fuck - they're playing the Packers in the season opener September 10th. Oh well. I had hopes for this season.

Saturday had more highlights than Friday. I'm not going to bore you with my mundane tales of going to the car wash or cleaning my toilets because I'm sure you don't really want to hear about that. Well, maybe you do. If you've been reading along this far over the past few months then you're pretty easily fucking amused. So, on to Saturday night. We went out with Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy and it was fun. Drank too much, but, then again, we were celebrating somewhat. It's Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy's 10th Wedding Anniversary this Wednesday (forgive me if I fucked up the day guys - Oh, and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!) and today marks the first day of my husband's triumphant return to the world of Union Operating! Thank GOD. So, we were all kinda giddy over all that crap and went out to dinner. And it was goooood. Joey T's in McHenry, Illinois. I would highly recommend it. I would definitely give the price two middle fingers up tho.

Sunday, pretty busy again. More of a run around, get oil changed, mow the lawn, find where my husbands job site for today is (which we never did find by the way - he had to leave a message with the guy telling him the directions were bogus). Movie night. Watched Final Destination 3. If you saw 1 and 2 then it's exactly the same. I think the dialog is even exactly the same from the first movie. Just replace an airplane with a roller coaster and that's all you need to do. Of course, all the characters that should have died in the first 10 minutes of the movie do wind up dying in more unusually stupid not possible ways like frying in a tanning bed, but it's amusing to watch nonetheless. Does that make me evil? Maybe. Amen.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:47 AM   3 comments
Friday, August 11, 2006
The Missionary Position
...
So, it's Friday. Finally. Thank fucking God. I don't think I could handle another day this week. And, it's not like this was an unusually busy week, or an unusually long week. Just a pain in the ass I'm ready for the weekend I feel like partying this weekend kinda week.

We have no grand plans this weekend. We're going to treat this as a fly by the seat of your pants kinda weekend. Whatever comes up, comes up. And, I suppose I mean that in the way my husband hopes I mean that. But, that's way too much information for an early Friday morning.

Well, he did it. Remember my ramblings about my husbands problems with his holy roller friends? The
What's the Mission of the Preacher Man? thread? He finally decided he had enough and quit this band. Which is a very good thing. What started out as a very cool rock band had soon turned into a Tour Bus business and a missionary Christian Band. And, by missionary I mean that in a "lets go out and rope up some suckers to join our cult" type a way, not a "they have boring man on top style sex" type a way. Hell, I dunno. Maybe it's meant both ways, but I really don't want to know about that. Which is cool - if that's what they're into and are digging it then they really should find somebody else to front it. They want to be youth advisors and counselors - basically ministers of their church going from place to place on their tour bus spreading the word. Which is great, it's just not what my husband happens to want to do. His favorite word is "Legs" and, really, it's probably not a very good word to go out on the road and spread, know what I'm sayin'? The good thing is that he keeps the songs he wrote. Which is great because then all he really needs to do is find a couple guys to fill in. Which, really, isn't the easiest thing to do. The guys my husband's leaving are really great musicians (well, one is anyway) and he does like them as friends so it would be really sweet if they can all still remain friends and do their last show on the 25th of August and go out with a bang. But, only time will tell....
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:02 AM   0 comments
Thursday, August 10, 2006
I Need a Vacation
...
I really do. I just need to get away for a few days and have a little fun. With my husband. No work, no band, no bullshit. Just some sun, some shopping, some booze, and maybe a little herbage and I'll be doing good. Although, the herbage will be out. No way to do that flying now a days.

I'm going to finally, in the next day or two, order the tickets to fly us to Texas to do all of that and more. My sister lives in Texas, along with most of the rest of my family. My sister's kinda strange like me so we get along great.

Starflower

This is where I'm going on Vacation!! Sister's house. I'm fucking READY!!!

I'm kind of a chicken shit to fly though. Once I'm on the plane and order a drink I'm fine. It's not the flying itself that makes me nervous, it's the fact that just today all over the news is how British authorities thwarted a terrorist plot to simultaneously blow up several aircraft heading to the U.S. using explosives smuggled in carry-on luggage. Great. Just what I needed to hear about on the day I'm looking into buying airline tickets. So just drive you say? Well, it's about an 18 hour drive and with the price of gas these days it would wind up costing twice as much as flying. Besides, I'm only wanting to take off 3 days of work - and by going over Labor day (flying out on Thursday, coming back on Tuesday) it works out perfectly.

I know all my family will be staring at my chest the first two days so there's already two days wasted. So that will give us 3 days after that to finally get down and have some fun!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:52 AM   2 comments
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Rescue Me - Retards
...
Don't yell at me those of you who are offended by the title of this weeks Rescue Me episode. I don't make the titles of this show up! More on Rescue Me later.

I shopped last night and it was goooood. I picked up the jeans that Maurice's had shipped from another store (there should be more about that in an earlier blog? I don't remember) and I bought two tops while I was at it. They had this really pretty shirt there too, that I shoulda fucking bought. I always do that. Regret not getting something, regretting getting another. Then go back to get what I regret I didn't get to find out that they just sold the last fucking one in your size. Ah, well, we'll see about that tonight. Boss is here at work early - which completely sucks ass. Not that I don't like the guy, don't get me wrong I do. It's just that it's kinda cool having that first hour all to myself without anybody else being around. Nice quiet time.

Ok, on to Rescue Me. First, I'm so freaking glad that Denis Leary is nominated for an Emmy for this show, and last night's episode is proof that it's completely due. If you watched this show you know exactly what scene I'm talking about - where he's visiting his firefighter friend that was injured in the fire and is burned so badly he lost his legs and is about to lose his arms too? I just can't believe the dialog that goes on in that scene. Tommy telling him he has to let go, he doesn't want to live like this and telling him his wife and kids will move on in time and he'll make sure that whoever his wife winds up with isn't an asshole and so on. Just freaky shit. Then the guy does finally let go in the next scene. So sad!!

But, not quite as sad is Franco with his girlfriend's retarded brother - who is retarded like a fox. He completely manipulated that whole thing and knew exactly what he was doing. And Franco knows that her brother is a hell of a lot smarter than she gives him credit for. And poor probie. Now he's known as the gay guy. A guy lets another guy suck his dick and look what happens. Speaking of which, how about the scene where the retarded brother tells the probie that HE'S retarded for thinking he's not gay because he receives blow jobs but doesn't give 'em. That was some priceless shit right there.

But, the funniest scene ever is when Tommy gets the Escalade truck from Sheila then she asks him to lunch and he tells her he's busy and drives off. Poor misguided Sheila. She's still convinced that she can get Tommy to run away with her. But, Sheila is rich so you never know. But, the best part is when he gets to the firehouse and asks the guys to come out and check out his new Escalade and some guy is stealing it right then and there.


And what's the deal with him and Janet? She seems to really get off on the torture. But, fucking Johnny shows up and ruins the whole thing. Oh, then there's that scene in the bar when Tommy tells the bartender he doesn't have any money after drinking 100 bucks worth of whiskey. And his little speech about how he knew over 60 guys that were killed in 9/11 and saying the average person couldn't name one person they knew that was killed. And, wow, that was such a great point to make because it's so true.

I'm going to hate to see this season end.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:36 AM   4 comments
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
The Legend of Ricky Bobby
...
So yesterday I got really tired of not being able to see and took a trip over to the local LensCrafters and got me some brand spankin' new contact lenses. They're comfortable - I have no problems at all with wanting to tear my eyeballs out with a butcher knife like I was afraid I would want to do, but I'm still not sure if the vision correction is right yet. I can see close up a lot better, but not quiet as good as with my glasses. And my distance vision I believe may not be as good as it was without glasses at all. Maybe I just need to get used to them, or maybe the eye doctor is full of shit and these aren't correct either. I guess only time will tell.

I'm completely dragging ass today. I feel somewhat like I could hurl up some of that disgusting popcorn I ate last night at the movies. We went to see Talladega Nights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby last night. It was amusing, but no Anchorman. But, then again, the first time I saw Anchorman I hated it. Second time I saw it I thought it was ok. Third time I saw it I found it hilariously funny, fourth time I saw it I decided it's pure genius. So, maybe by the fourth time I see Ricky Bobby I'll have a different opinion - but I doubt it. It was extremely amusing, but, then again, Will Farrell doesn't have to do a damned thing but stand there with a stupid look on his face and I'm rolling on the floor laughing my pathetic ass off. Don't get me wrong, I did like the movie. I just need to see it a few more times, memorize the dialog, then I'll probably love it.



Shake N Bake

I just looked at the schedule and my boss is going to be out until at least 1:00pm at his wife's farm *bonus*. My boss' wife runs this really cool fall festival called The Pumpkin Patch out in Bumblefuck, Illinois. She works her ass off from March through October 31st then works in our office the other portion of her year, during which she completely forgets how we do everything here and we have to retrain her. Not a big deal, but it can be a pain in the ass sometimes. And there was a note on my desk from my boss when I got in this morning saying, "Your skank bitch co-worker won't be in until about 10:00. She's got kid stuff to do.". Ok, that wasn't word for word, but if I woulda been writing it that's pretty much what it woulda said. Although, she isn't really a skank but the bitch part is true enough - some days. But, then again, who isn't?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:41 AM   0 comments
Monday, August 07, 2006
I Think I'm Dying
...
But we'll get back to that later.

This morning, so far, has been pretty good but, then again, it's only 7:40 so, technically, it really hasn't even started yet. But, I'm at work, I didn't kill anybody on the road and I didn't get killed by anybody either so that's a bonus.

You'll have to excuse any typo's or otherwise stupidity on this blog this morning because I'm a total dipshit that left my glasses sitting by my computer at home. So, really, I'm blind today. How does that excuse stupidity on here? Well, it doesn't but I was hoping I could just slide that one in. I hate the fact that I now need glasses to be able to read anything, including not being able to go to a restaurant and see the menu without reaching into my purse and pulling out the old reading glasses. I might as well attach a blinking sign on my forehead announcing, "Hey, everybody!! Look at me!! I'm over 40!!! Yay!!". And, for some reason this weekend I felt my age - more than I have in a very very long time. And it's time to do something very simple to rectify this situation - get contact lenses. I need to get my eyes checked again anyway because in the last year that I've had to wear glasses I'm now thinking that I need them a tad stronger anyway. Allfuckingready. It's only been a year since I've had to face the fact that I'm getting old and my eyes can no longer focus on important shit like the shampoo bottle instruction - you know, lather, rinse, repeat. And, me being a blonde and all, rely on those instructions for my very life. Ok, so I'm not a natural blonde either, I am a natural smart ass. So, I'm making an appointment for sometime today to visit an eye doctor to see about contacts. And I'm going to leave work to do it. Hey, I gotta be able to see right?

And that leads me to why I believe that I'm dying. But, in reality, I think I just figured out why I think I'm dying. Because I'm acting like I'm 80 instead of 43. I went shopping yesterday. Yea, big shocker there. I need to find a swimsuit for our upcoming vacation and if you've ever tried to find a swimsuit in August, you know it's no easy task. The problem isn't trying on or feeling like I look horrible in a suit - because, really, for the first time in my life - and I'm even including when I was a young and perfect 18 year old - I think I look the best in a bathing suit. It's just that there's nothing to choose from and what there is to choose from I just didn't feel warranted $180 total for the suit and some kind of coverup. I did try on one suit that, holy shit!! I couldn't believe how good it looked on me. But, it's not the thing a 43 year old really needs to be walking around in, especially around children or any human being besides my husband. I gave up on the idea and just decided I'll wear my suit from last year that I've only worn a handful of times and spent a fortune on (blog pic) and call it a day. I don't even know why I thought I needed a new one anyway. Oh, yea, the top on this one almost came off when we went boating on Saturday. I went to Woodfield Mall, the Mecca of Malls, the holiest of malls, the malls that other malls are modeled after. I went to all my favorite stores - Nordstroms, Bebe, Cache, the Buckle, Bebe Sport, - I lost track. And you know what I bought? Nothing. Zilch. Nada. And, this is why I believe I must be so ill that I'm going to die. I have never not found anything that I like. Especially when I had money to spend. If heaven and hell are what the best and worst things in your life are after you die - then my personal hell would be a fiery hot mall that spans for millions of miles with shop after shop of beautiful things all 75% off - only in hell you have no money. Fuck!!!!

Ok, I made it through this post and I'm not sure how many typos are in here, and I don't even know if it made sense because I can't go back and read it due to being blind as a fucking BAT!!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:42 AM   4 comments
Friday, August 04, 2006
I Can't Believe This Day!
...
So, I was driving into work today and I couldn't fucking believe it. This is going to completely blow your mind away. I still can't believe it myself. Wait till you hear this.....

It was a perfect morning. Seriously. I know!!! Anyway, I got up - even left the house a little bit later than usual AND I had to stop for gas. Recipe for disaster right? WRONG!! The weather is gorgeous - perfect temperature. I get to the gas station and *ohmyfuckinggod* there's no line! I pump my gas, used my ATM card so I didn't even have to go in and deal with the slowassbitchesinthegasstationfromhell, and I was outta there. I even made the green light right outside of the station. The traffic was non-existent. I actually made it to work in 25 minutes!! I was even 7 minutes early today. Unfucking real.

It might actually turn out to be a nice day!! It's a Friday, which means we'll be slower than shit today and I can play on the boards all day.

I do have a very busy weekend coming up, but that's okay. I love busy weekends!! A friend of my husbands is moving out of state so we're meeting up with him for a little bit tonight, then heading over to see the Singer Chick sing her ass off. Then Saturday I'm going over to see Kim at the animal shelter for their bake sale (I even made homemade peanut butter cups for the sale), then meeting up tomorrow night with Singer Chick and Bass Player Guy (her husband - and it's not a fancy name I made up there - his name actually IS Guy) and going out on a boat ride in Lake Geneva. Then Sunday, I dunno - probably time for me and the hubby to spend some *cough*qualitytime*cough* together. Actually, whenever we spend time together it's quality time (awwwwwww...I feel all soft and mushy today).


So, now that I've filled my new cyber stalker full of erroneous information that will be helpful later in the movie and she now knows my every move this weekend, I should probably spend this morning pretending to work and, who knows, it's such a beautiful day I might actually get some done. But we all know that SOMETHING will happen today to ruin my sweet as silk outlook. When it happens, I'll let you know.

Have a nice weekend asstrouts!!!!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:37 AM   0 comments
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Driving Lesson Number 1
...
MERGING

"The merging rules formalize what many drivers do as common sense. When two lines of traffic merge, you must give way to any vehicle that is ahead of your vehicle. A line of traffic generally means where two adjacent rows of vehicles do not have a lane separation line between them (that is no marked lanes). If you are driving in a marked lane and your lane comes to a distinct end, you must give way to other traffic already in the lane you are moving to. It is recommended that drivers who merge onto a freeway build up speed to match that of the traffic already on the freeway. In most cases this enables a driver to find a safe gap in the traffic and then change lanes into it."

I want everybody to read that, memorize that, live by that or I'll kill you by that. And that includes YOU Miss IThinkIOwnTheRoadInMyBigFuckingWhiteCadilacEscaladeBitch that almost hit me this morning. People, if you're in a lane that is ending and you're given 3 warnings TELLING you that the lane is ending, maybe at some point you should be looking to merge over? Like, immediately after the first warning? Fucking morons. It's not like it's a four lane road where I could move into another lane either. It's a two lane road and this stupid fucking choade (is that right Bitsy?) that did this almost pushed me into oncoming traffic before I noticed her big white ass was about 3 inches from my passenger side door - and showing no signs of stopping. So, it was me that had to slam on my brakes and almost kill myself.

Yes, I'm grouchy today. Remember my earlier entry about the IT stuff? Yea, I know, you don't memorize my blog. Anyway, I have a teleconference meeting to discuss that stuff today and I really don't want to discuss it with them. Just leave us alone and let us work! If you really want to help us, why don't you figure out how to make that stupid program you wrote for quoting new business sharable between all of us in the office? Wouldn't THAT make sense? Of course not. You already control that, we're already using it because we have to so why make it work? I think they must be stealing programmers from Microsoft.

And, we were without power again last night. Two nights in a row. You know how fucking boring it is without power? I was subjected to playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire - on my cell phone for fucks sake.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:26 AM   1 comments
My Kohl's Top
...
Oh, yea, I almost forgot - I took a picture of the top I got at Kohls.



Ah, well, I like it.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:02 AM   4 comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Another Thing About Last Night
...
Since the power went out, Rescue Me didn't record. Bastards.

Oh well, it'll be on again Friday. Don't anybody tell me what happened!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 2:15 PM   1 comments
Things are definitely Getting Weird
...
It all started yesterday, when I took a turn into the Twilight Zone on my way home from work.

I'm sitting at a traffic light, minding my own business. Listening to some shit on the radio and thinking about all the crap of the day. When I hear a man's yelling voice behind me. I turn down the radio, roll down the window to some psycho screaming that he loves me and wants to marry me. Ummm, yea, ok there big guy. Just let me live and we'll see what we can do. Of course, my current husband isn't going to be too pleased when I get home and announce that I'm leaving him for some psycho random guy behind me in traffic. Yea, that'll happen.

From then on, it seemed that things got back to normal. Almost. My husband was getting ready leave for his 7 o'clock band practice while I cooked some pork chops and a salad for dinner. We ate, as people do, then he left. I decided to take this opportunity to cruise out to McHenry and see if Maurice's has anything cute on sale. Of course, I found the cutest pair of Silver jeans. And they had one left in my size! I tried them on and they fit great, only barring that if they stretch out at all (and Silver's usually do) then they might be too big. But, oh well, I'm sure they'll shrink up a little bit so I should be okay. I took two really pretty white, transparent, wrinkly (on purpose) gauzy shirts in with me. And they had one in my size in that as well. So, I try on the shirt and I'm checking myself out in the mirror when I notice all this green shit all over the place. I take off the shirt and I notice that there's green spots of shit on my stomach, on my chest, on my neck, on my cheek - what the fuck is this shit? So, I take off the jeans. There's the culprit - the mother fucking anti theft ink device broke open all over the jeans I was planning on buying!! FUCK!!! So, I get as much off of me as I can, get dressed, and take the stuff up to the counter and tell the girl, "What the fuck?" to which she replies, "What the fuck what?", so I show her. She's like, "Fuck!!", I said, "Yea, my sentiments exactly." When she realized that this device just cost her a sale, she was very quick to ask if I would be interested in her seeing if she can find another pair at another store. I'm like, yea, sure, whatever. So I wait. She calls and another store has them in the size I tried on and in one smaller size. So what size do I want? I'm like, fuck, I dunno. I'm thinking the smaller size, but what if they're too small? She sees my dilemma and says, "We'll have 'em both shipped here.". I'm like, great, fantastic, call me when it comes in. Off back home I go.

So, I get home and I'm putting the dishes away when all of a sudden - kaaaboom. The power goes out. It's, like, 8:30 so it's just dark enough that I have to fumble for a flashlight so I can find the candles. But I'm home alone - fuck!! I'm so bored. Then I think - wait, did we pay the power bill? Yea, I paid that online 2 days ago, so I look outside. It's dark everywhere. *whew* Well, my husband pulls into the driveway 10 minutes after the power goes fucking bat shit. We sit in the dark for about an hour, laughing at stupid crap until we were so bored we couldn't stand it anymore and decided to go to sleep. The power came back on at around 11:30. I just hope all my crap in the freezer didn't defrost. That would so suck ass.

Fast forward to me driving into work today. Right off of our street there was a really awesome big wreck. Hope nobody was hurt!! Anyway, it appears that some truck decided that he didn't want to stop at the light, but, unfortunately, everybody in front of him had other ideas. So, this truck bashes into the car in front of him, the car in front of him bashes into the car in front of him and so on, and so on, and so on....for about 5 cars. So, I had to maneuver around ambulances, fire trucks and police vehicles a block away from my house.

Then, as I'm driving down this 2 lane road I get to a stop light. There's a van in front of me. I see a girl in the passenger side jump up from the seat, wiggled her way to the back seat, and proceeded to remove her top. I'm still not sure what the hell she was doing because she's sitting there, with her boobs in the back window staring at me, and she's fumbling all around for what I assume is another top. But, when she puts the top back on it's the same one she had on before. She looks down, realizes it (I think, I'm still not sure), and takes it off again. Puts on another top and I swear to God you can't make this shit up, puts the same top back on. She then shimmies back up to the front seat. Eventually, I wind up passing this van and at the next light I glance in my rear view mirror and I notice she keeps putting her head down under the window, like on the center console. Then she pops her head back up, then the guy puts his head down on the center console. I have no idea what drugs they were doing, but they had to be good considering she took off and put the same top on 3 times AND didn't seem to notice that there were other cars around her?

Life is so fucking strange some times.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:38 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
An Open Letter
....
Dear Really Old Farts,

I am writing to you today with great concern over something that I have noticed more and more lately. I feel I must address this before many lives are destroyed or somebody goes ape shit all over your ass and breaks your hip. This is something that shouldn't be taken lightly, as it will no doubt help cause many people their sanity - including your own. Although I do believe that growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Please, for the love of God, if your ears are hairier than your head, please refrain from driving from the hours of 7:00am through 10:00am. I realize that you have your breakfast at 4:00am, dinner at 3:00pm, so lunch is somewhere around 8:00am, but please try to have your lunch at home instead of venturing out onto the crowded, traffic laden streets at that hour. Some of us still consider a speed limit a challenge.

Just this morning one of your fellow octogenarian (fancy term for old fucker) decided today would be a nice day to go out and fuck with traffic. From what I could tell, she didn't know where she was going. Probably because she couldn't see over the steering wheel. She did 30 in a 45mph zone, slowing down to 20 every side street seeing if that's where she needed to turn. She almost had a head on collision veering over into the other lane of traffic as she fumbled for her cell phone to call another blue haired to find out where she was going. I mean, seriously guys. It's not like you're going off to work so there's absolutely no reason to be on the roads at that hour.

I have devised a simple test to tell if you are too old to be driving, or at least too old to be driving before or after most of us are going or coming home from work.

Count how many of the following you remember:

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive -6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're way too young to even be driving at this age
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older, and it's probably ok for you to drive
If you remembered 11-15 = It's getting to be about that time where you would love to go upstairs and have sex, but you don't have the energy to do both
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt and should give up your license immediately

Or, here's a simpler version of a test to determine if you're too old to drive:
If you can live without sex, but not without glasses - don't drive.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:35 AM   1 comments

Six Foot Model - Too Young

This is my Brain on the Web...Where are the Damned Comments People?
About Me

Name: suebiedoobie
Home: Illinois, United States
About Me: I'm married with dog. Kids freak me out.
See my complete profile
Previous Post
Archives
Shoutbox


It's ALMOST SPRING!!!

Links
Slideshow Time!

Free Blogger Templates