It’s a fact. I had my head totally up my ass this morning.
I’m blaming it on the time change. Yep, that’s it. The time change.
Seriously, I totally spazed out this morning. I get on the train, like every other day, right? The conductor is coming up the aisle and he’s asking this girl if she was the one beating on the doors as the doors were closing. She says no and he moves on (they don’t have a sense of humor about that shit). Anyway, he comes up to me and I say, no, it wasn’t me either (it’s the same conductor every morning – he knows me) and he laughs and just stands there.
I’m like – what? He just looks at me like, what the hell do you think lady? Oh, duh, he wants to see my train pass. Hey, I told you I was a complete moron this morning! So, I show him my pass and he goes about his business. Now, I’m freaking out because I notice I can’t find my glasses. I know I just had ‘em in my hand. Where the hell could they have gone? So, I’m looking in my purse, in my glass case, in the pockets of my laptop bag – nothing. Nada. Zip. No Glasses. I’m standing up to make sure they are sitting on my lap. Nope. Now I’m thinking, fuck, this is going to be a really interesting day not being able to fucking SEE at work all day.
Then I look over at the window on the train. Now, remember, it’s totally pitch black outside. The sun hasn’t even started to rise. I TOLD you it’s the time change earlier! Anyway, I catch my reflection in the glass.
Now, come on, you have to know where this shit is going? Yes, they were stuffed up my ass. Okay, not really. They were on my fucking face. Yes, that’s right. My first clue should have been that, while searching high and low for my glasses, I can actually SEE what I’m looking at inside my purse? What the fuck?
Ah, well, I also blame it on the blonde hair dye soaking in from last week. Pictures from last Saturday:
