Or, at least it will be by the time I leave work tonight. The weather pricks are forecasting freezing rain mixed with snow to hit us anytime - could start as we speak. They say we could see up to a foot by tomorrow noon when it's all said and done. With 1 - 3 inches this afternoon into tonight. Which should make for a very interesting ride home at 4:30 this afternoon. I'll post pictures later of the mess - if and when it happens. This morning I had a blueberry muffin from Dunkin Donuts. The fucktard boss brought 'em in and insisted I had one. I was about 3/4 of the way through it and checked the points. A whopping 10 points in that sucker!! So, I stopped eating it and threw it out. So, I'm figuring I actually had about 8 points total. My breakfast is usually 3 so there won't be any snacking going on today!! And, I'm thinking about going and getting some soup or something for lunch so it won't be so bad. I feel guilty though. I've been kinda sloppy the past week in my eating habits. Not really bad or anything, but just eating more than I should. The scale hasn't reflected a change yet - but if I don't watch it, it soon will.
So, the packing and moving saga continues. Not much to report, with the exception that I'm getting rather stressed out about it all. I hate moving, and now the weather is turning to shit it'll really make moving a pain in the ass. I already have about 8 boxes ready to go over to the new place. So, at least I'm getting a head start. I imagine my weekend this weekend will be filled with packing, loading, unloading, unpacking - and by the time it's all said and done you can repeat that about 8,453,982 times. But, that's just an estimate.
Other than the weather and moving, I've been pretty fucking boring lately. I know, what do I mean by lately, right? Yuk yuk.
The work day should be interesting today, considering the bossman is in the office all day. Which isn't so bad because it's not like he's a complete asshole or anything. Just means that there won't be much slacking off today. Speaking of which,I should probably get to work since he just dropped off a stack of work about 250 feet high.
We're moving. Yes, it's a done deal. And we have to be completely moved by January 1st. Nothing really takes you out of the holiday spirit quite like having to move during them. I want to tell you how pissed off I am at my husband for doing this now and not waiting until after the holidays, but I really can't. If you saw how excited he is about this whole thing then you would understand how I just can't find it in me to be mad at him about it. And he tells me that it's the perfect time - since they are slowing down at work due to weather. And how he'll be home more to pack, move stuff, clean etc. But, we'll see how that works out! Then, after discussing how it isn't impossible (which is what I said) to be completely moved in by January 1st, he decides that he's thinking about having a New Years Eve get together at the new house. I told him if he can have everything moved in by December 27th, then I'll agree. So, we'll see.
I notified our landlords last night that we will be out by January 1st. They were pretty shocked by that, but that's the way it goes. I'm sure they'll find renters in no time. Of course, she informed me that she's putting an ad in the newspaper immediately and will be making appointments for showings. The only plus thing about this is that I know she won't be coming in and showing the house while we're gone due to our dog not letting her in. The biggest downside, obviously, is trying to keep the house somewhat presentable to prospective renters while we're packing, there's boxes everywhere, and the piles of trash waiting to be disposed of.
We already started last night. We decided that the best place to start is the basement. If you saw our basement, you would understand why we need to start there! It's loaded with crap. Mostly crap that we are going to throw out anyway. Crap that isn't worth anything and we don't need. Like boxes of out of style clothes that are about 7 sizes too big on me. Clothes that I don't think anybody would ever want to actually wear, otherwise I would donate them to charity. But, seriously, would anybody in any size want to wear a holiday sweater with a cranberry stain on it? Doubtful. But, hey, if you're reading this and really want a shot at it, make me an offer!! Just kidding. I did keep a few nicer pieces, like some big sweaters that still look pretty good.
One thing about unpacking and going through boxes in the basement is all the cool memorabilia that you run across. Like, Birthday and Christmas cards from my mom - who passed away almost 7 years ago. So, I kept those. Then there's the crap like my wedding pictures from 1981 to my ex-husband that I haven't spoken to in 14 years. I'll admit, I tossed them in the trash then immediately went back in a fished them out. I don't know why I'm holding on to them - maybe because it does have some sentimental value. Especially the ones with me and my grandpa who passed away at 101 years old in 1995 (or 1994 - give or take a few years). It's kind of sad, though, going through some of these things and all of the emotions that you feel as you do.
The nice thing is that I had three heaping trash cans worth of shit that need to be hauled away, and in the process made 7 empty plastic boxes with lids that I can now use to stuff the shit that we're keeping. Like, clothes that actually fit and are from this century.
I think the biggest obstacle in our way with this move is this - what do we do with the mounds of garbage? I mean, garbage service only runs once a week and you can't put a ton of stuff out there for them to take. I had to break it to my husband that the only feasible solution is for him to bring a big truck home from work every other day to get the trash out. Of course, he looks at me and says, "Where am I going to take it?". To which I replied, "Sounds like a problem best left resolved by you."
Ok, for all you naysayers out there that didn't actually believe I could cook a turkey (myself included) I have posted a picture of the sexiest, hottest bird on the planet. Look at the tan on this sucker! I'm actually craving a turkey sandwich right now in the worst way.
See? I even stuffed this sucker.
And, on the Friday after Thanksgiving I created this masterpiece:
And you guys all thought I didn't have a domestic bone in my body. HA!! I showed you!
So, we went last night to look at a house that we're thinking about renting. Well, renting for a while and doing a rent to buy option until we can get our shit together enough to actually buy the sucker. It's a brand new construction house - 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a whirlpool tub in the bathroom off of the bedroom. A basement, 2 car garage, huge back yard - fenced in. Dishwasher, garbage disposal, fridge, stove, washer & dryer all supplied. And the rent would actually be cheaper than the two bedroom house we currently live in. The guy who built the house is a friend of Dennis' family and builds homes on spec but owns this one and would rather rent it to us for a while until we can get a mortgage on it then we would buy it.
The nice thing about the location is it's right by the Metra train station - well, about 4 minutes away. And, that train goes right to the front door of where our office is moving to so I could actually drive the 4 minutes to the train station and hop on the train and be at work in 1/2 an hour. Sweet!! But, it's not without it's downfalls. The train schedule going to and from my destination isn't the best. It's okay for the days I come in at 7:30 since one train comes in at 7:22. However, the train home is at 3:50 so I would have to work an extra 15 minutes. Which is fine. The only problem, however, is the days I stay until 4:30 (due to co-worker leaving early twice a week) the next train after 4:30 is at 5:25. So, that would make for a very long day. Instead of staying an extra hour I would have to stay an extra two hours and, well, that would suck so there's some things I have to think about and talk to the bossman about.
So, as you can see I kept myself pretty busy over the Thanksgiving holiday. Now, I just wish that December would hurry up and get to the Christmas and New Years holidays so I can have some more time off!! I'm always up for that.
I can't believe how fucking fast four days can go when you're not having to go to work every day. It just seems like I was sitting here five minutes ago waiting to get outta here for four days. And, here I am, back again. How old do you have to be to retire anyway? I totally believe I'll be an old lady, sitting at my desk, and "plop", I'm dead. I'm sure I'll be one of those people working their brittle little bones until the day I die. Yes, I'm feeling quite optimistic this morning.
So, the long holiday weekend was wonderful. We had our Thanksgiving dinner around 1:30 on Thursday followed by football and shots of Jagermeister. They turkey was incredible! I even took a few pictures of it before I hacked into it just for giggles. Of course, I haven't had a chance to download them yet so you'll see my bird tomorrow. Then, around 6:00 I had a burst of energy and decided to rearrange the living room furniture to fit the tree in front of the window. I even put up the tree Thanksgiving night and put the lights on it. I waited until Friday morning, when all the crazy people were out shopping and standing in lines for hours to save five bucks, to finish trimming the tree. I spent all day Friday and Saturday working around the house, cleaning, doing laundry, work work work.
This afternoon I have to visit the dreaded boobie squoosher. Is that even a word- squoosher? I think it's actually squashier. Oh well, it is today. I'm not looking forward to it and I'm way more nervous about it this time around than I was last year. With having the saline funbags I'm a little nervous about there being pain and hoping they don't squoosh them so much they pop. Now wouldn't that suck?
So, I hope everybody had a nice Thanksgiving and, now that it's over, welcome back to the real world.
Side Note: Yes, I'm purposely NOT discussing the Bears loss to the Patriots yesterday. I have my issues with Grossman about that game and, let's just say I'm starting to wonder if they can really get through the first round of the playoffs with his inconsistencies.
I only have to get through today, then I have the next four days to do whatever the hell I want. I see one day of house cleaning and tree trimming, followed by two days of sitting on my ass playing video games.
Now, to the topic DuJour at hand. I have come to believe that, generally speaking, at least (and it's a very generous estimate) a quarter of the population is either completely insane or totally stupid.
We went out to dinner last night and, while waiting for the table, overheard a very interesting conversation. It was between a couple, probably in their 30's, and a woman with two children - a boy about 4 years old and a girl about 2. The boy had on a T-Shirt with the word "Pimp" across the chest.
Man: Cute kids. Are they yours? Woman: Yes, they are. Michael is 4 and Stephanie is 2 (the names have been changed to protect the kids from their stupid parents). Man: Can I ask you a personal question? Woman: I suppose so. Man: How much is your son getting for a tryst with your daughter. Woman: (Outraged) I can't believe you just asked that question! How dare you! They are children! Man: Oh, I'm sorry. I guess the girl forgot to wear her "Ho" t-shirt today. I just assumed. Woman: I'm going to complain to the manager. Man: Lady, if you don't want people asking stupid questions like that then perhaps "Pimp" isn't an appropriate thing to have on a 4 year old boy's T-Shirt
What are people thinking? Dennis and I found it amazingly funny. It's totally something I would have said to her myself. Why in God's name would anybody dress their four year old son in a T-Shirt with the word "Pimp" on it? For the love of Christ people, use your brain when you're picking out your children's clothing - especially when taking them out in public! Of course, the woman complained the the manager and the manager just looked at her like she just stepped out of the psycho ward and asked her if she had a jacket or something to put on her son. She got angry and left the restaurant with her young pimp and ho in tow. Which was great for us - we didn't have to wait as long for a table!
I will be spending this evening preparing the cornbread stuffing I plan on cramming up my turkey's ass tomorrow morning while Dennis is off at band practice. Then I plan on meeting up with him at practice followed by going out and having a few pre-holiday drinks. I'm so looking forward to the next 4 days.
Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving everybody!! See you next Monday. GO BEARS!! Beat the Patriots on Sunday!!
All I have to do is get through today and tomorrow then I can sit back and do nothing for four whole days.
Of course I won't actually be able to do nothing. I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. And Wednesday is the biggest party night of the year - the holiday kick off if you will. I remember years ago, right after my divorce from my drunk ex-husband, going out all night on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and being so wrecked on Thanksgiving that I couldn't possibly make the 4 hour drive to my parents house to eat. Of course, that was extremely rude and, now that my mother is no longer with us, something I very much regret. I can't imagine what she must have thought - me just not showing up at all. Oh well. I can't change the past but I can decide how I conduct myself in the present and the future.
We went out last night to the grocery store and bought all the remaining ingredients for our feast. It's nothing fancy, since it's just the two of us - three if you count Leo. And, I suppose we should count him because that furry little beast can out eat the both of us combined. I'm making turkey, stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes and gravy, and dinner rolls. And that's it. No desserts. I know, you all are thinking I must be completely insane, but I did ask Dennis if he wanted a pie and he declined. Neither of us are real big on desserts and that's probably a good thing since neither of us need desserts.
So, today, I have to give some thought on what I'm going to get Dennis for Christmas. And, since he confessed to me over the weekend that he sometimes sneaks on here and reads my shit, I guess I'm going to have to refrain from discussing it. We both decided that one thing we really need to replace is the TV in the living room. The TV doesn't actually belong to us - it belongs to a convict in prison that will be being released in April and will, undoubtedly, be coming looking for it and a few other things he left at our house over four years ago. But, that's a story for another day.
Depending on what the end of the year commissions look like I think we'll be doing a joint gift for us both and getting a nice LCD High Definition TV. Not sure yet on the size, that's going to depend on the commission check - and I probably won't know much about that until the middle of next month.
I just want the next two days over already.
Side Note: Today is the first day in the history of this blog that I ran the spell checker and it came up with no misspellings. It is the season of miracles.
Monday, bloody Monday. I hate Monday. But, this Monday isn't as bad as other Monday's. Mostly because it's only a three day work week leading up to a four day weekend!
This weekend was pretty busy, all things considered. Didn't do much Friday night and Saturday we just went out to dinner then came home and OD'd on Playstation (2, not 3) then went to a football party on Sunday. And drank waaaaay too much. Well, I did anyway. Dennis was actually the designated driver for once so I didn't have to abstain. Of course, I had to abstain from other things, but that's the way it goes.
The Bears go to 9 and 1 against the Jets!! It was a pretty boring game, though. Not a lot of action - mostly a defensive game. Urlacher caught an interception in the Jets end zone, which was the biggest highlight of the game. And they win two at the Meadowlands and go to Foxborough to take on the Patriots next Sunday. And this is the game I'm pretty nervous about. If anybody is going to give them their second loss of the season, it'll be them. We'll just have to see what happens next Sunday - as they say - Any Given Sunday.
And Indianapolis loses to Dallas! Which made my family in Dallas very happy, and made me very happy too. It was only a matter of time for the Colts as they haven't won by much in the past few weeks - 1 point the weekend before against Buffalo. So congrats go out to all the Cowboys fans out there. Good job!
Today's workday is pretty much going to suck ass. I can just feel it. As far as I know, we'll have to give blood and urine to some crazy speciman collector sometime today for Life Insurance. So, we'll see what happens there. What a shit job that must be - today, you go over here and collect this person's bodily fluids, then you go over there and collect more samples. You're drving around all day with blood and pee in your car. I guess the biggest 2 rules of that job are: 1) never drink Mountain Dew - and if you do 2) make sure you don't grab the wrong container.
So, what are your Thanksgiving plans this year? I plan to eat and eat and eat, then take a nap and get back up and eat some more!
By law, I should be allowed to be cranky today. I got my "special time of the month" a week early this month. And it really pisses me off. But, actually, now that I think about it, it really doesn't because if it would have happened when it was supposed to happen I would be crampy and cranky on Thanksgiving day. And, really, who wants to make a turkey when they're bleeding like a stuck pig? Besides the fact that I won't be pms'ing on my four day weekend. Of course, I will be crabby this weekend, but happy next. And this means that, had it happened when it was supposed to, I would also be feeling like shit for Christmas. So, in a way this early visit from Aunt Flo is a good thing all the way around. I know, way too much information for a Friday morning.
And, I'll be happy to report that I got my way. Not that anybody would be surprised by that news because I'm pretty persuasive when I want to get my way. We will be having a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home with just the two of us. We even went grocery shopping last night and got a Butterball turkey. To me, and I'm not really wise on all things poultry, it makes no difference on the brand of the turkey, but to Dennis, apparently it does. So, rather than spending $.87 a pound for the no-name brand he decided we must spend $1.42 a pound for a Butterball. Hey, he bought all the groceries last night so what do I care? All I know is that Thanksgiving day will be filled with turkey and all the trimmings, football, booze, and weed. And we don't have to leave the house unless we want to. No screaming kids, no standing in line to get cold turkey - given that there is any turkey left by the time we get there. No gross jello salad filled with fruit that nobody knows what the hell it even is (Jello Shit Surprise is the official name of this dish - don't believe me? Look it up.). No sweet potatoes with marshmallows *gross* and no real full fat butter. No coming up with a secret signal that we can use when we're both ready to go - which usually winds up happening before the food even comes out. I can even get the boxes out of the basement filled with all of the Christmas decorations and set them out for tree trimming on Black Friday. Yes, I can be domestic when the mood strikes.
Speaking of Black Friday - you won't catch me anywhere near any kind of shopping facility until I get my last paycheck before Christmas and I join all the idiots that are all out doing their last minute shopping. I don't get the appeal of going to a crowded mall, loaded with sweaty, smelly people with poopy, smelly kids standing in a line for an hour to buy a few pairs of socks.
So, what are your plans for Thanksgiving? Will you be in Thanksgiving hell or Thanksgiving heaven?
What a bunch of idiots lined up in tents around the two different Best Buy's I passed on the way to work this morning.
It would be okay if it was a bunch of people standing in line to get a Playstation 3 for their kids for Christmas, but that's not what's going on here. They are people who want to buy a Playstation 3 to put up on EBay and sell at an outrageous price. Which, I guess is alright considering it IS America and all hail capitalism and what not - but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, not dissimilar to the horrible reheated pizza I had last night for dinner. One kid standing in line that was interviewed this morning for the news said he didn't care about the Playstation 3 - he just wanted to take it and sell it because he knows there are dip shit parents out there that will pay at least a few thousand to be their kid's hero this Christmas. And, due to their overwhelming need to not only keep up but to beat the holy living crap out of the Jones, their kid will be the first on the block to have the highly coveted Playstation 3. I haven't seen any ads for any games on this particular device so I'm not even sure what the big hoopla is all about. That would be the ironic thing - you're the first one on the block to have the Playstation 3 but you can only play Playstation 2 games on it because there aren't any available for the new unit yet. I doubt that's the case, but I don't know.
Here's my tip for the day - the people at Sony, in a very evil attempt to turn a profit, will make more of these fucking things and in a few months you'll be able to buy one at regular prices. Yea, I know. Your fucking kid wants it NOW and we've become a society that needs instant gratification. I guess I can relate on some kind of level. I'm pretty spontaneous myself and once I want something I lose all focus of everything else and I have to have it now too. If the Playstation 3 was a rare issue of Seven for all Mankind jeans, I would probably be one of those idiots out there too. Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm far too lazy to put that much time and effort into my shopping.
I'm not quite sure why this bothers me because there's nothing wrong in it. It's the way our country was founded. It just seems downright silly to me. I wouldn't camp out for days for a Playstation 3 - even if I was camping.
I decided to spare you today from any more stupid family pictures. But, I reserve the right to post more at any time, so you're warned.
Tonight, I'm going to be so lost without Lost. I can't believe that it's on hiatus until February when new episodes will finally be shown. And they wonder why people lose interest in this shit. It's November and there won't be any more new episodes for, what, 2 and a half months? Who decides this shit?
Anyway, I guess there won't be anything interesting to watch tonight. I might peek in at the end of Dancing with the Stars to see if my man Emmit wins. Lame, I know. But, Dennis will be out at band practice, I'm too broke to go shopping and I really don't feel like doing housework on a Wednesday night. Doesn't leave me a whole lotta options. I guess I can safely say I lead an extremely boring life. And, if you've been reading this blog for a while you already know this.
I'm almost done with all my doctor's visits and everything has checked out just fine. My coochie isn't going to rot away any time soon, thank God. And, after the ultrasound on Monday I know that my little ovaries and crap are all there and look normal. We did discuss birth control and I did get a sample pack for two months but I haven't completely decided on if I'm going to use it or not. You all know by now that I'm hypothyroid - and one of the biggest side effects of a crazy thyroid is infertility. Now, I haven't had to use any form of birth control since 1982. So, I find it highly unlikely that all this time it was due to a thyroid condition. I mean, seriously, if I've been hypothyroid for 25 years wouldn't I have known this long before now? And if I wasn't hypothyroid for 25 years then it stands to reason there is something else going on here? All I know is that I do NOT want to get knocked up. I did the math. If I had a whiner 9 months from now I would be 62 years old when the little bastard graduates high school! Jesus. I would be known as the old mom. I would have to pack a walker and a box of Depends undergarments just to go to his high school graduation! I'm just too old and too set in my ways to consider just craziness. So, I'm still mulling this one over - do I just forgo the pills and go with my gut in that it wouldn't happen anyway or do I just bite the bullet and take another damned pill every morning that I might or might not need? It's all way too confusing.
So, the bossman is already here at work early today - which sucks. I'm just not in the mood to deal with anybody at all today - but I know that will never happen because the stupid ass phone has already rung 5 times since I've been here - and that's only been about 45 minutes.
Took me a while to get my post going this morning. I updated to the Beta version of Blogger and it took a long ass fucking time getting everything switched over.
If you're as bored by people posting their family pictures on a blog as I am, then you might want to skip this post completely.
Saturday was my sister's surprise 50th birthday party and everything went great. My sister, brother, and dad all made it there after a 3 and a half hour drive. The only family member that couldn't be there is my oldest brother from Texas.
My Brother Jim, Sister Debbie, Sister Ruth (birthday girl), Dad and me.
I had to post this picture because my sister's eyes are closed and it's a running family joke that she can't take a picture with her eyes open. But, I managed to get one in:
Holy crap, I look like an idiot there!! Talk about a stupid look on my face. I think it's because I had to shrink the picture down to fit and it's all distorted and shit now.
Dad, Ruth, and Treye (Ruth's 5 year old grandson)
Trenton (her other grandson) and Treye (5 years old)
Ruth, Travas and Michelle (my niece and her husband) with Treye and Trenton
Trenton (3 years old)
My sister, Debbie's, 17 year old Grandson Jordan and his girlfriend Hillary going to homecoming
And that's it. I have many many more, but I think I'll post them tomorrow just to bore you some more.
By the time Sunday came around I was so happy to not have to do anything but plob my butt down on my couch and watch the Bears versus the Giants.
But, we'll come to that later.
My sister got into town on Thursday night, as planned. However, her flight was delayed about 40 minutes and we got there a half an hour early so we had a pretty long wait. You know what pisses me off about airports? Okay, I'll tell you. The fact that you can't get anything to drink other than a Starbucks (which I hate) unless you have a ticket and go through security to the gates. We thought, no big deal, we'll find an airport bar and suck down a couple while we wait for her flight to come in. But, lo and behold the only place you can get anything to eat or drink is on the other side. I was so thirsty and hungry that I actually thought for a second about what the cheapest tickets to go anyplace, anyplace at all would be just so I could get thru security and find a place to eat. And the fucking airport was packed. And it sucked. So, we sat there, and sat there, and sat there some more until her flight finally came in. Then we sat there some more waiting for her baggage. Christ. The airport bars and restaurants would make a whole lot more money if they would figure out a way that people - all people in the airport could use them. Fucktards.
So, anyway, we spent all day Friday shopping - which, if you know me, is no great hardship at all. Other than I always wind up spending way too much money with my sister. Then my other sister came in Friday night - the one who we gave the surprise party to Saturday? And what does she want to do Saturday? You guessed it - shop! So, we went shopping. Again. On Saturday. And I spent more money. Again. I did buy a really cute coat on sale at New York and Company so it wasn't a totally wasted trip.
My sister's surprise birthday party went off without a hitch. Well, I shouldn't say without a hitch. We had about an hour and 15 minute drive to get there from my house so we left at 3:45 to get there by 5:00. About 3/4 of the way there my niece calls to say she's running late. Okay, come on!! You have all day and you can't get to your mom's party on time? So, we stalled. And stalled. We stopped three times to use the bathroom. I swear I can't believe that my sister didn't ask if I had some kind of bladder problem and suggest getting some Depends Undergarments. And I stopped for gas. Finally, we get there at 5:30 and my sister was totally shocked. Didn't suspect a thing so it wound up being a huge success.
I got back home around 9:00 and some friends stopped by and didn't leave until about 2am. Which translates to me not getting my butt outta bed until noon on Sunday.
I had a ton of pictures to post here today, however my dumb ass forgot to download them to my ISP so I can't post them yet. I got too involved last night in the Bears game to even think about it.
And, now onto the topic of the day - Da Bears. They started off like crap - very similar to the same way they started out the week before against Miami. Turnovers, fumbles, dropped passes, no running yards - all a recipe for disaster. All I could think about was my husbands bastard drummer who bet against them and took the Giants to win the game. I told him yesterday that it might be a losing bet since the Giants were plagued with injuries. He said he had to go with the money on this one. I did tell him I hope he loses his money. And he did!!
The Bears finally came around at the end of the second half and right before the half scored a touchdown. Which fired them up coming into the second half. They started looking like the old Bears of a month ago again with completed passes, no turnovers, and lots of running by Thomas Jones. Brian Urlacher appeared to be just fine with his injured toe and it didn't seem to slow him down any. And what about that 108 yard run back from Devin Hester that matches the record setting run back almost exactly a year ago against San Francisco last year by Nathan Vasher on a missed field goal attempt? That was saaaahweeeet.
Today is my Friday. I'm off tomorrow and, if I can get my wonderful, sweet, all caring, all powerful cockmaster of a husband of mine to loan me a little money, I'll be shopping with my sister tomorrow. Hey, he knows I'm good for it.
Speaking of cockmaster, here's a funny little story about that. When I was in Texas I finally went to a Verizon Wireless store because, since day one, I had been having trouble with my phone. It would take forever to connect, and if I sent Dennis a text message I would have to resend it about 5 times before it would go through. So, I'm at the Verizon store and explaining my predicament. So, I decided to show them my outbox in my message folder on my phone so they can see how many failed sent messages there are. So, they're looking at my phone and the girl starts giggling. She then looks at the guy helping her and he looks at her and he was trying so hard not to laugh. I didn't think anything of it until I left the store. Now here's where it gets really embarrassing.
In my cell phone, instead of listing it under my husband's name (which would have been the smart thing to do) I have him listed as Cockmaster. Yea, it's stupid but it's kinda funny at the same time. Anyway, all of a sudden it hits me why they're laughing. They're looking at my sent messages - all made out to Cockmaster.
Well, it gets even better! Verizon ships me a new phone and I get it the day I get back from vacation and take it into the Verizon store to restore everything from the old one to the new one. Except for the ringtone. The ringtone announces who's calling - for example, Call From Dennis. Anyway, I go back to work the next day and I have my cell phone sitting on my desk. We happened to have clients in the office that day, walking back and forth from the bossman's office and the front door. So, my phone rings. And, yes, you guessed it, it was Dennis and all you heard in the office is:
Call From Cockmaster
I think if I could have hidden in a hole at that particular moment, I would have. Did I change it in my phone? Hell no. Now it's a matter of principal. I did, however, change the ringtone so it would no longer do that.
So, I digress. Tonight, my Texas sister's flight gets in and we go to pick her up. Then my middle sister will drive out tomorrow night and we'll hang out until Saturday at which point we will then take her to her surprise birthday party. It's okay, she doesn't even know this blog exists (none of my family does - I reserve the right to speak about my family any way I want to without offending them. And they can't be offended if they don't know it exists, right?). So, it'll be a good time.
And, for all of you who have heard me rant and rave about my co-worker and her leaving early every Tuesday and Thursday I must express this: she told me yesterday that she doesn't need to leave early today due no school, or something. I didn't get the last part, I was too much in shock. I told her thanks and that'll help me out a lot since I have to go pick up my sister tonight. So, I wanted to include in this post how nice it was of her to do that. Because she definitely didn't have to.
So, on that note I'm outta here. I won't be here tomorrow so you'll all have to get your Stupid Fix someplace else. Happy weekend everybody!
Yes, for the past 6 months you've all heard me bitch and moan about the dumbest shit imaginable. I talked about traffic, boobs, some of the idiots on the Weight Watchers Newbie Board (and there are a LOT of 'em!!). I even talked about what I would do if I ruled the universe. I wrote a Grey's Anatomy episode, got anal about a stupid swim suit that I only wound up wearing for 2 hours on vacation - and I was the only one outside in the pool at the time. You heard me rag about my sister and her spoiled daughter. You saw my Halloween costume, and Dennis' enormous penis (how could you miss that?). All in all, it's been pretty fun keeping up this stupid little spectacle in the big ole wide world of the web.
We laughed, we cried, we soiled ourselves. But, in the end I can't believe that I kept up this nonsense for 6 months straight.
So, now I must ask myself - do I go for another 6 months or let this rest in peace?
You guys wanna hear more of my bull shit or hang it up?
No offense intended if you drive a mini-van for what I'm about to say. And if you do drive a mini-van and are offended by this? Don't pretend you're surprised I don't care.
I have a question for you mini-van drivers - is the automatic LSD attachment to your heating/air conditioning unit standard or optional? Don't get all offended by this - you know it's true. I would rather have a big ass 18 wheeler carrying a load of toxic materials leaking out it's ass in front of me then to drive behind your shitty ass driving abilities in a mini-van. Most of you (and, please note I said MOST) drive like you've just smoked a big doobie laced with some kind of mind altering substance not known to man. I had not one, not two, but three of you crazy ass mini-vans pull out in front of me this morning and two of you didn't have the decency to even drive up to the speed limit! One driver kept slowing down to almost a complete stop every 1/4 mile to turn around and scream at the 5 kids she was hauling off to school this morning. If you can't control your kids in the car, then get some fucking counseling on how to instill in your children the meaning of sitting down with your seat belt on and shutting the fuck up while mom drives.
On to the topic dujour - elections. I'm so sick of the election I could puke. All you see on TV are ridiculous commercials with one opponent making accusations about the other opponent. Never do they actually have a commercial telling you how they stand on squat. And the fucking phone calls that are recorded and logged into a computer with everybody on the planet's phone number - how many celebrities have called you in the past month? I know that I've gotten at least two calls a night for the past two weeks. And why is it they can get by with this phone solicitation crap when you have your number logged onto the no-solicit list? Because, apparently, it doesn't pertain to political candidates.
I decided I will vote only for the candidates that share these same viewpoints that I do:
1) Make it illegal for any shit actor or actress to express their political views in a public forum. I don't care how you stand on any issue that even pertains to anything that we could both relate to. Just learn your lines and look pretty for the camera - that's your purpose in the world.
2) Make it illegal for any operator of any mini-van to drive anywhere in my vicinity.
3) Give all the candidates a questionnaire on all the relevant topics of the times and have them write an essay on their viewpoints on each of the questions - and make it illegal on this questionnaire to mention your opponents name. Then distribute this questionnaire to all Americans. This might actually enable you to see where these jackasses stand on issues rather than only seeing how their opponents viewpoint is wrong.
Thank God it's the last day of this crazy nonsense of this election season. I honestly don't care who wins or loses as long as they just all shut the fuck up for the next two years.
Well, the Bears lost. Which is why it's Black Monday. It shouldn't come as a shock to Bears fans, as hopes for an undefeated season just went down the tubes. Not that we really thought we could get by with it, we knew eventually we would have a bad day and let somebody through. The only thing that brings me comfort in this Monday of Mourning is that Miami is the only team that beat the '85 Bears. Not that this '06 team is any where near the talent of the '85 team, but one can still hold out hope that they will get their heads out of their asses and work hard going into the next three weeks on the road.
It's like they already lost the Superbowl around here, the way people talk. I mean, come on!! They're still 7 and 1!! Which is still pretty damned good, any way you want to look at it. And they still should win the division and get to the playoffs - unless, of course, Urlacher's ankle is serious enough to keep him out of at least the next 3 games. Haven't heard anything yet tho, so we'll wait and see. I have to now eat some crow (how many points is that?) and congratulate the Miami Dolphins and their fans. They played an amazing game considering nobody thought they would win. Which is probably why they DID win.
Oh, and I forgot to post that last Friday, November 3rd I met 2 pretty big milestones. One, is that it's now been two years since I joined the infamous Weight Watchers program and lost almost 75 pounds. The second, is that last Friday is also my boobies birthday!! A six month birthday for the twins. It doesn't seem like it's been that long at all. Seems like yesterday I was an ironing board with nipples. Now, I have BOOOOOOBS!!!!! This week should promise to be a very busy week. I have to go to the Coochie Doctor this afternoon, which I'm so excited and looking forward to (as if). Guys, they have it so easy. They just have to turn their heads and cough. Women, on the other hand, have to go through invasive cold tools and a stranger staring up their crotchal region. Doesn't seem fair, does it? Then my sister flies in on Thursday night, followed by my other sister coming in Friday night. Then, of course, Saturday is the famous birthday party for my middle sister. Thank God that it should be over and I should be home by 8:00 Saturday night - just in time to go and do something fun.
Last Saturday, I attended a candle party at my good friend Cleo'sMama's house. My stomach is still turning from all of the veggies, beer battered bread, dips and chips that I wolfed down as part of the festivies. Kim has lost an incredibly amount of weight (almost a HUNDRED pounds!!) on weight watchers and looks absolutely beautiful!! So, I'm going to post a few pictures here of her with her friend Cleo (you knew I would Kim. Don't act like you're not surprised).
Kim & Cleo
Thanks for the fun Saturday Kim!! And Congratulations on your success.
So, that about wraps things up for this Black Monday. But, I do notice that the sun is starting to come out so it might just be an okay day after all.
Last night, after watching Grey's Anatomy, I decided that I really should write the next episode.
They are making everything way too obvious - as in, who didn't see that one coming a thousand feet away? I mean, look at the previews for next week! Who didn't see McSteamy hitting on Meredith coming? This is what I would like to see, if I wrote the next episode:
Cut to Meredith sitting at a bar, drunk as usual, looking to screw anything in her path after being rejected, once again, by our own Dr. McDreamy:
Meredith:Oh, McSteamy, I'm so drunk. And so easy. Let's go to your place. McSteamy:Meredith, I'm sorry. I can't do that. I don't fuck bad actresses. Meredith:Well, what do you call your affair with Addison then? McSteamy:Meredith, she starred with Will Farrell in Kicking and Screaming. She was robbed out of that Academy Award. Meredith:Well, I was in Old School with Will Farrell so I fail to see your point. McSteamy:She was also on the very first episode of ER, so as pretend doctors go she has you beat by about 12 years. Meredith:Fuck. Rejected again. Maybe I should just screw George again. Oh, damn, he's gay. I forgot.
Cut to Meredith leaving with some random guy she just met 10 minutes ago. In walks McDreamy and sits next to McSteamy:
McDreamy:Hello Dr. McSteamy. You're looking so hot tonight. Do these scrubs make my ass look fat? McSteamy:Ummmm....ok, Dr. McDumbass. What do you want? McDreamy:Well, I got to thinking about why I keep screwing up with women and I've come to a very startling conclusion. McSteamy:And what's that Dr. McAsstrout? McDreamy:That all the woman find you incredibly sexy, and so do I! I'm really in love with you. I can't help it. It's just the way your skin glistens in the moonlight. McSteamy:Oh, Jesus, Dr. McSucksdick. First of all, it's 4 o'clock and there's no moonlight. Secondly, I'm not gay. I coulda had Meredith just now but I don't fuck bad actresses, or bad actors. I remember you from Can't Buy Me Love. McDreamy:You couldn't get Meredith? Everybody's had her. You must be gay. McSteamy:No, I just have taste.
Cut to George walking into the bar, longingly gazing at Callie from a far. McDreamy walks up to George.
McDreamy:Hey, George, why are you staring at Callie. You know you're gay, right? George:I know that. But, I'm an actor and I'm playing my role. As disturbing as it may be. Disgusting Breeders! McDreamy:George, why don't we quit lying to each other. Take me home and make love to me you sexy beast.
And they leave. In walks Izzy and sits at the bar.
McSteamy:Izzy. Just the woman I've been waiting for. Izzy:You've only been here 5 minutes. I'm the only woman besides Meredith here. And you've already screwed Callie so there isn't many challenges here besides me. McSteamy:5 minutes is all it takes. How about you and me - we'll go out, get some dinner, have some sex, you know - see what happens. Izzy:That is the rumor Dr. 5MinuteMan. Didn't you just hit on Meredith? McSteamy:Naw. I turned her down. Her acting chops are no match for your performance in My Father, The Hero. Besides, you're hot, she's not. Izzy:I don't know. How much money do you have? McSteamy:Is five bucks enough? Izzy:How about ten? McSteamy:It's a deal.
And they leave. Cut to Christina sitting next to Dr. Burke.
Christina:What the fuck was I thinking. I'm the best actress in this joint. I was in Sideways, you know? Dr. Burke:Yea, screw you bitch. I was stuck doing Wild Things 2. Christina:Hey, it could be worse. You could have been like McDreamy - you know, doing Fast Times - not even the movie version but the TV version. Dr. Burke:You know, you're right. And I think I'm going to go kick his ass for acting in that worthless piece of shit 80's TV show. Christina:Don't break your hand Dr. Fucktard. Dr. Burke:You know that's all acting, right? And if I break my hand I can still pretend to do surgery. Christina:I'm not a fucking idiot Burke. I just mean you'll need it later to spank your spicket because you've been in nothing impressive. Nobody here is going to have sex with you. Dr. Burke:Damn.
And that's the conclusion of tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy. Stay tuned next week when Meredith sleeps with yet another stranger in a bar, McSteamy gets the clap, and McDreamy and George move to another country where they can legally be man and man.
Ok, I guess I should leave the writing up to the professionals and stop now before I really kill the show.
Have a nice weekend everybody! And, Kim, I'll see you tomorrow at the candle thingy.
OH!! I almost forgot!!
GO BEARS!! Let's go 8 and 0 against Miami Sunday!!
I've been so tired. For the past week, I can't stay awake later than 9:30pm or so. I try, but I just can't keep my eyes open. I don't know if it's the weather, the longer work days, the time change, or if I'm just friggin' sick. Hopefully, it's not because I'm sick. But, I will say this started around the time I began taking these stupid pills for my thyroid. And I've been so hungry too. I haven't given in to that though - I still only eat as much as I should to maintain my weight. So, we'll see after the weekend if I'm still feeling like crap.
Of course, Monday I'll not be feeling so great - mostly because I have to see the vagina doctor. And I absolutely hate going there. Nothing more fun than putting your legs up in stirrups and having some stranger stick cold, metallic objects up your cooch. And not even have the decency to buy you dinner first.
I believe I did talk Dennis into spending Thanksgiving at home, just the two of us. It didn't take much convincing at all, really. I just told him what I told all you yesterday and he said it sounded like it would be a good time. So, I win!!
I did happen to make it through the entire episode of Lost and South Park last night. Then 9:30 hit and that's all she wrote. You would think getting 8 full hours of sleep a night I would be wide awake and chipper in the morning - so not true. My head hurts, I wanna go back to sleep, and I certainly do not want to be at work. Maybe it's not me - maybe I'm just sick and tired of working. I would tend to believe that one first.
So, Lost last night. I knew they were going to kill off Echo. It was all in the air for weeks. It was cool to see the return of the smoke monster. But I still can't help but wonder what it has to do with anything at all - especially the Others. Speaking of the Others, what's up with Juliet and the movie with the signs telling Jack that Ben is evil and suggesting he kill him during his spinal operation? Are we supposed to believe that she did that behind Ben's back? He knows everything that happens on that island and I'm sure that he probably set that whole thing up as part of Jack's "breaking process". Get Jack to trust Juliet because he sure doesn't trust Ben. And why oh why are they all of a sudden letting no-named survivors speak now? Don't they have enough going on as it is? What is the purpose of the no-named girl wanting to go with Loche to find the other hatch and find Echo? I find that rather confusing. And where has Sun and Jin been? I haven't seen them since Sun shot the Other who died a few weeks ago. We saw Sayid last night - Sun and Jin were with him last time we saw them. This show is by far my most confusing hour every week.
And in the previews for next week they say the "Fall Finale". What does that mean? Is it going on haitus after 6 episodes? When is it going to return? Would somebody please answer these questions so I'll stop asking them? I know, I'm a pain in the ass.
I also finished watching Tuesday's episode of Nip/Tuck before watching Lost last night. Yes, I fell asleep at about 9:30 Tuesday watching it. I still can't believe that Julia slept with the dwarf. The only thing I was really disappointed in is that I thought we would finally get to see some decent dwarf porn. But it wasn't meant to be. I don't get why Julia and Sean stay together. Neither one can stay faithful to the other. And they wonder why Matt is so messed up and in a Scientology cult.
Anyway, I'm at work, was 10 minutes late today due to traffic hell. But, it's better than the 1/2 an hour I was late yesterday, so as far as I'm concerned I'm on a roll! Of course, I'm here until 4:30 today, it's my late day so I'll probably fall asleep an hour earlier tonight - at 8:30. Good thing I have Tivo or I would miss everything.
It's Wednesday, hump day. No humping going on here, well, until I see my gyno on Monday!
I was late for work this morning by a half an hour. I couldn't find my keys this morning so, I look, and I hunt, and I retrace my steps back from when I got home from work last night in hopes of finding the elusive key ring. Finally, after 20 minutes of searching I find them right where they should have been - on the key hook in the kitchen. Right where Dennis put 'em. And where I never put my keys. Yea, I'm a dumbass. I'll readily admit to that.
It's also the first day of November. I hate November. It's the beginning of shit weather - rain, snow, wind - anything but sunshine and warmth. It also marks the beginning of the holiday season (don't kid yourself - starting today that's all we'll hear about until January 2nd) no matter how you feel about that. Everybody wants to get Halloween over with before even thinking about Thanksgiving or Christmas. Personally, I don't think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving but here we are - just a few short weeks loom before we have to panic over turkey and desserts.
I'm personally hoping that, this year, we can have Thanksgiving at home with just me and Dennis. I prefer to do that then spend Christmas with a million family members. The problem with going someplace else for Thanksgiving is that the food is always prepared with tons of fat. And there's always way too many people. By the time you get through the line and get your turkey it's either gone and you're stuck with ham, or by the off chance there's still some left it's generally hard and cold. Then there's the assortment of crappy side dishes like some jello crap with marshmellows on top, or mashed potatoes made with butter, regular milk, sour cream - you know what I'm saying. And, just for kicks, this year I should put chocolate in mashed potatoes and take that. Why not? It's already loaded with a zillion calories and fat grams you might as well make it worth your while.
I'll have to talk to Dennis tonight and ask him if we can forego this tradition and stay home. I'll make turkey basted in chicken broth, mashed potatoes made with lite margarine and 2% milk. Where I'll have all the nutritional information at my disposal. Yea, I know. It's all an excuse. What I really have a problem with is all the friggin' people!! I love my husband's family, don't get me wrong, but for one day out of the year I would like to have peace and quiet and be able to watch the football game without having to feel guilty that all the other women are in the kitchen helping wash a million dishes. At home, I do the dishes whenever I feel like it (usually right after the game) and can smoke some doobage when the mood strikes.
You all know what I'm saying. I'm sure my idea will be shot down and we'll wind up going and having a good time anyway. It's worth a shot though. What am I thinking? All I have to do is promise sex while the turkey's cooking and he'll be more than willing to stay home. Wish me luck on this!!
