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Chicken Wings and Boobie Tassels

Monday, July 31, 2006
Kohl's Reprieve
...
Oh, I almost forgot to post about this. I must give Kohl's Department Stores a reprieve and take back my earlier suggestion that they suck ass.

Well, they still suck ass but I was amazed that I found the cutest top on sale there ever. I couldn't believe it! I had never ever found something there that I like as much as I like this top.

One top I like a great store does not make, but it's progress.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 10:23 AM   2 comments
Corporate IT Bastards From Hell
...
I hate it when you invent the wheel and somebody has to come along and reinvent it, only not nearly as good as the original.

Where I work we have this problem quite often. We are given systems to use, then they take them away and replace them with something else. The problem with this is that we don't always get to take the data with us. We have to recreate the wheel. Again. Now this has happened with something that really pisses me off.

For the past three years I have developed a system that we use in our office only for doing all the things that the home office has failed to provide. And they are plenty. The biggest component to this system is a way to create, organize, and update certificates of insurance. We currently have over 2600 current certificates of insurance in our system. Which means if you need to find one you need the tools to search for it. One client in particular has over 450 certificates of insurance every year. And they update about 300 of them on their renewals. Since I'm the one responsible for issuing these certificates of insurance, I made sure that the system we use does them in the most efficient manner possible. And it took me three years to get it to work this way. Now, along comes the home office, all pissy because it's something that they don't control nor do they own to tear it apart and make it work like shit. Well, actually they did do this and that is exactly what has happened. It doesn't work or flow the way the original one did. But, they are going to make us start using this system anyway. Which means that my job is now going to take me a lot longer to do since I will, again, no longer have all the tools I need at my disposal. Of course, the person in the home office who is redesigning what I've already done isn't somebody who actually uses the system so why should he give a fuck how well it works? It's just another thing he needs to get off his desk.

I understand it from a home office perspective. I spent 15 years of my life working in corporate IT departments and this is the number one reason why I no longer work in corporate IT departments. The undeniably lame egos those geeky bastards display. No matter what it is, they can do it better. Except find their dicks without a map. Now I have to spend next Thursday in a fucking conference call telling them why their system blows. I'll inevitably tell them that, yes, we need to do full text searching and they'll tell me, no, you don't. Not with the benefit of actually having to do my job, mind you. My life is hell somedays.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:47 AM   0 comments
Friday, July 28, 2006
What's the Mission of the Preacher Man?
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My husband is having a problem. Of course, some people will tell you to pray to God to help you in your troubling times. And, that's a great suggestion, but what if you problem actually IS God?

First of all, I would like to say that both me and my husband were brought up Catholic. His family is a practicing Catholic family, mine was not. He goes to church with his mother almost every Sunday, bar the Sunday's his mother is working. I consider myself spiritual, but not necessarily religious. I believe that your relationship with God is your relationship with God and that's all there is to it. It's not for any human to decide for you that your relationship with God is not up to their standards.

The person that my husband is having a problem with is a very good person. He's what I would consider to be a "born again" Christian. And I think that's fantastic, because it works for him. He has his church, he has his own deal with God. And bless him for that. But, my question (and I really don't want to offend any other "born again's") is this - what gives you the right to assume that your relationship with God and your church is better than anybody else's? What give you the right to assume that your status in line at the pearly gates is any better? It's such an arrogant attitude. And, I really believe that if God is going to look down on stuff, arrogance would probably be at least in the top 20.
...
My husband was asked by this person last night where he stands with God. He also asked him if he takes Jesus Christ as his personal savior. And, he went on to say he's concerned about him that he won't get into heaven. While it's nice that somebody cares about where you're going to be in the afterlife, shouldn't that be something that you should worry about with yourself, and your family, and not pound it into somebody else? This is not the first time this has come up. And, no doubt, won't be the last. We can't help but wonder what the mission is here - what is his goal? For my husband to join his cult? For my husband to get fed up and terminate their relationship? What? I tend to believe that maybe my husband finds his faith in being with his family and the location of the church is secondary, instead of trying to figure out how to get away from them to ride in a big red bus.


broken body
its joints at war
religious vipers sucking royal blood
the price is paid
the final score
the truth exists even through pious mud
who are these people behind the stained glass windows
have they forgotten just what they came here for
was it salvation or "scared of hell"
or an assembly of a social get-together
what's the mission of the preacher man?
some are true some do lie
what's the mission of the preacher man
yeah! yeah! yeah!
a threat of justice the lazy judge
the governess teaches his son to scream
adopted child true path to trudge
no minor plot to undermine his dream

King's X - Mission
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:33 AM   6 comments
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Monster Mother's from Hell
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I've been contemplating today's topic all morning because it will, no doubt, offend mothers and parents who read this. But, I feel I have to say something about it because it is something that really strikes a nerve with me.

Special treatment for people who have children. Whether it's in the work place or the grocery store you see it every day. Now, I understand, Mothers, that the raising your children is a very difficult job. I also understand some of you believe the insane idea that stupid Hillary Clinton bitch put in your head that it takes a village. I hate to inform you, but she's a stupid cunt (there, I said it) and it doesn't take a village - it takes YOU to raise your kids. I don't have children, I can't have children, so why should it ever be assumed that somebody like me should have to help you deal with yours? Don't I already pay enough in taxes for schools and the like that I will never ever use? All to help your children?

The reason this has really come to light this morning is because I have had to deal with this issue not once, but twice in one day. As you know from reading my stupid blog, I come in an hour earlier and leave an hour earlier because the hours work out better for me and for my sanity with the fucked up traffic in the Northwest Suburb corridor. I live further north than anybody else in the office so it generally takes me longer to get to work. And I offer no excuses for this - I chose to live where I live and I come into work on time every day. But, when my boss told us we could take advantage of more flexible hours I jumped right on that one. Anyway, I digress.

As some of you know my co-worker has, in previous years during the school year, left an hour early on Tuesday's and an hour early on Thursday's. This is due to the fact that she needs to spend more time at home with her two children helping them with homework, taking them to their after school activities and the like and could use the extra two hours a week. Two hours a week, no big deal, right? I don't have a problem with that. But, what I DO have a problem with is the fact that she most certainly does not come in an hour early on those days, like I do when I'm doing flex hours. And, yesterday, I asked if it will be hard for her to com in an hour early on those days, like I do. She said no because she wouldn't be coming in early due to the fact that she can't leave that early in the morning because of the kids. I do understand this, but how is this fair? Shouldn't I also be allowed two extra hours a week to do whatever it is that I need to do as well? Why should it matter if I'm doing things for my children or for myself or whatever it is that I also need to get done that I get done in my own spare time? Again, I didn't impregnate you and cause you to have two children so why should I have to bend over to accommodate yours? People, you choose to reproduce, please choose to be responsible and fair to the people around you that may or may not also have children. And the kicker in all this is that she doesn't have to work - and she's admitted this on more than one occasion. She works so she doesn't have to stay home all day with her kids!!!


The second incident happened at the grocery store. I was waiting in line behind a woman that had a cartful of items. I had about five items. No big deal, she's there first, so I wait. Along comes another woman with a 3 year old and a 6 year old in tow. She has about a half a shopping cart full of items and her littlest one was getting quite impatient. She has the nerve to ask me if I would let her go ahead because she's running late and needs to get her daughter to ballet class. I said no. I'm also running late and need to get through the line as well. She got very upset with me and proceeded to tell me how rude it is that I can see she has two children that are about to have a total hissy fit meltdown and she really needs to get out of the store as soon as possible. I then suggested that she ask a manager if somebody can place her items back on the shelves so she can exit the store. She gave me a big huff then proceeded to yell at her children. That sure was great parenting on her part - I'm sure she just taught her daughters some real valuable life lessons there.

What gives some mothers the right to believe that they and their children are so special that everybody else should adore them? I don't know your kids, I don't want to know your kids, and, most certainly, I don't want to have to help you raise your kids. So, don't play the kid card with people. It's just irritating and shows that you lack any kind of compassion yourself.

I'm still steaming over that one.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:30 AM   7 comments
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
If You're Rich, You're a Bitch - If You're Poor, You're a Whore
...
At least, that's what my husband said last night while we were eating dinner and some celebrity show came on - probably called Lifestyles of the Rich and Fucked Up something like that. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I think it might look good on a bumper sticker.

We actually sat back and watched a movie last night. We used to do nothing but sit and watch movies - and it's usually watching the same stupid comedies we always watch like Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Old School - probably because we know we won't be disappointed, like we were last night. I think I'm really getting so tired of the stupid screwball romantic comedies they are making now - you know, boy meets girl under false pretenses, boy falls for girl, girl falls for boy, boy and girl find out the truth, boy and girl vow to hate each other forever, boy and girl get back together due to meddling friends - you know, that old chestnut. But, the one thing I've noticed is that Matthew McConaughey is usually involved.

So, last night's idiotic screwball romantic comedy was no different. We did manage to make it all the way through Failure to Launch, however difficult at times it was. It's not that I didn't like the movie, or that I don't like Matthew McConaughey (who doesn't?), it's just that I felt that I had seen this exact movie before, only it wasn't Sarah Jessica Parker. It was Kate Hudson with Matthew in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I kinda found myself getting lost on which movie I was actually watching. Failure to Launch did, however, have very bright moments. The only problem being that they didn't come from either of the main characters. I loved loved loved the supporting cast in this movie. Zooey Deschanel was just great, as she is in just about everything she's in. She's just......weird. And weird in a good way. And of course Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw as Matthews parents were awesome. And even Matthews friends in this movie were great. It just lost me someplace. I think it might have been the cheesy ending. I'm not opposed to happy endings in movies, I mean can you NOT have a happy ending in a romantic comedy? Well, maybe you could. Just once maybe I would like to see Matthew McConaughey kill the lying, stupid, ugly, skinny bitch that just fucked him over by shooting her right in the head. That would have been a much better ending than they actually had. I mean, COME ON!! (at this point, if you haven't seen the movie and are actually planning on watching it after my review, then stop reading now....spoiler included. but, if you don't give a fuck and want to know how crappy this ending is, keep on reading). Tying him up to a chair while locking the two of them into a room to get them to talk while his friends, his parents (while at home on their computer), and an entire bar room full of people watch it unfold on a big screen TV? Yea, that could happen.

However, the evening did redeem itself at 9:00pm when Rescue Me came on. It wasn't the greatest episode by far, but it did have it's interesting moments. Now, for those of you who watch this trashy show, why does Janet think she has the right to be pissed off at Tommy when she walked in on Tommy fucking Angie? Seriously, she came over to Tommy's to fuck Tommy behind Johnny's back - and she's mad that Tommy is fucking somebody else? You know, I think I just figured out what he meant by the title of today's blog.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:44 AM   1 comments
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Kohl's Sucks Ass
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Last night was an extreme night for boredom at The Weber House. The Husband wanted to go get some new workpants, since he's worn out all but one pair and if he wears his good jeans to work we'll be reading his obituary here instead of my blog. You don't wear $100 jeans to work when you're an heavy equipment operator. Enough said.

So, we go out to Kohls. Now, I know a lot of you out there love this place, and I tried to love it just like you do last night. For the millionth time I've been in Kohls I have discovered why I can't stand the place. I try to find a bra - good luck trying to find a 32 band in any bras they sell there. I asked the sales girl and she told me that the only 32 band that they carry are in A cups and some B cups, but they mostly start at 34. What a crock of shit. So, I decide to look at some tops. Now, I'm telling you, their merchandise all looks like it could stand one, maybe two washings at best before the thing becomes a dishrag. And everything is ill-fitting. I tried on two tops - one was a small, the other a medium. Same manufacturer too. The small was too big and the medium was too small. Fuck it. I give up.

My husband did find a good deal on some cheap jeans for work though. They're really cheesy and I told him if he ever wears them out in public I will immediately pretend I have no idea who he is. I sometimes do that anyway, just to see what he'll do. And they were only $14.99! And he got a cool T-Shirt to boot. Now, why is it at Kohl's the guys stuff and the kids stuff all look ok, but women's - they all look like you're shopping to go to a ho-down. Yeeee Haw.


When we got back home The Husband had to work on some acoustic songs he's writing. They have a rather big show coming up in August and The Husband is doing a solo acoustic set. And he doesn't want to suck so I told him to go ahead and work while I have a couple drinks and make dinner. We ate AND IT WAS GOOOOOD!!.

I decided now is the time to finally get the last 2 courses and final review done for the fucking completely stupid defensive driving course. Of course, I had about 3 drinks in me so I'm feeling no pain at all and decide to just get it all over with, finish the courses, and take the fucked up test. The test was 25 questions, and you had to score at least a 75% to pass. Suffice it to say I wound up with a score of 80%, getting 20 out of 25 questions correctly.

I say not bad for somebody who didn't pay attention at all during the online class and was stoned and had been drinking during the test. Hoooray for Traffic Safety School!! Made me want to jump right into my car and go for a drunk drive! But, I refrained.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:39 AM   7 comments
Monday, July 24, 2006
Monday's are Hella Lame
......
Well, the weekend is over and it's now 8:02am Monday morning and I've already been at work for half an hour. And I really wish that I was at home, in bed, and it was really Saturday and this weekend was just starting instead of being over.

As if Monday's aren't bad enough today is especially sucky for me due to what this day represents. Today is Monday, July 24th, 2006. On Friday, July 24th, 1981 I was getting married to my first husband. So, if I would have stayed married to the drunkassbastardfromhell, I would have been married 25 years today. Kinda hard to imagine that. In his defense and from what I've been told he's no longer a drunkassbastardfromhell, he's finally sober, but that in no way excuses the way I was treated when I was with him. But, it's best to keep this in the past where it belongs because, really, to me - today is just like any other day. I'm in a much better place in my life now.

But, I really thought I was going to have to beat the crab outta my husband this weekend. And I know why he's so grouchy - he does his bill paying on Saturday morning due to the fact that he gets paid on Friday night. I personally believe that we would have much more enjoyable weekends if he would do his bills on Tuesday instead, but, what the hell do I know?

My sweet husband did take me out to dinner on Friday night though. But, only because I refused to cook and he refused to go hungry. So, it worked out for both of us. But, it's never without a catch. We went to one of our favorite digs,
The Village Squire. One of the things that we forgot about the Village Squire is this: on some nights they have a guy with a guitar that sings these unbelievably crappy songs. I won't tell you his name, because that would be rude and I would never think about being rude so *coughfrankpalmericough* I'll just leave you this little tidbit: you haven't lived until you've heard the lounge version of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall". And if that wasn't bad enough they decided at some point to change their menu - by change their menu I mean they raised their prices a LOT and shortened their menu to remove their Orange Roughy dinner and their Shrimp DeJohn (however you spell it). Which really pissed me off. I decided to give their Fajitas a try. Big mistake. You should never have to refer to any Fajita as bland. We won't be going back there again.

We totally missed singer friend's show Saturday night. Which really pissed me off. I was in the mood to go out and have some fun, but apparently my husband was not. Instead, he fell asleep around 7:30 from working all day and I couldn't get him back up. So, needlesstosay, I spent the night fuming and wanting to kick him in the nuts. That woulda woke him up I'm sure. But, still wouldn't have accomplished what I wanted so it was a moot point.

And, then, to end our fabulous weekend we decided to go Sunday night to Blockbuster and rent a few movies. Of course, we each have our pick for what we want to watch. Hubby, of course, chooses to rent Basic Instinct 2, while I picked the lighter fare of Failure to Launch. Let me just say that Basic Instinct 2 is the most stupid, boring, unsexy movie I think I have ever seen. It actually made me want to have sex just to make it stop!!! Haven't seen Failure to Launch yet. I'll have to give you my review on that one tomorrow. I just hope it doesn't have Sharon Stone anywhere in it.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:02 AM   1 comments
Friday, July 21, 2006
Fridays are Hella Cool
...
I forgot to add this.....

Just an update on shit - I like to pretend you really care so amuse me on this one.

You guys aren't commenting!! It makes me feel lonely and unloved - and I'm sure there's probably a very good reason for that. Leave your comments at the door. Even if your lame ass comments completely suck ass, I still wanna hear 'em. And, if you're a real asstrout I'll even block them out (like the stupid bitch that said I have a fat ass - what's that all about?).

What are you guys all up to for the weekend? We're probably going to hang out with friends tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going to a 3 year old's birthday party. What do you get for a 3 year old on his birthday? A drool cup? Some pullups? What? Then we're going to see the Singer Chick's band tomorrow night at a place called Chubby Rain (I don't make this shit up people). Looking forward to it. Now, this chickie would definitely go to Hollywood. But the fucktards at American Idol believe that 29 is the oldest a person should be to be a singer. Fuckers.

Sunday, probably recovering from the excessive drinking I plan to do Saturday night. Then Monday, back to fucking work. What are your plans?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:02 AM   4 comments
Offensive Driving Class
.....
You've all heard me rant about the dumbesttrafficticketintickethistory in other posts, right? Ok, so you don't actually read this and have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, yet again.

Well, in order to save myself from having points on my drivers license (and, really, to save myself a couple hundred a month in auto insurance - that's what having a high performance car does to you) I'm opting for the court supervision. I initially was going to fight the ticket because it was a completely lame ass ticket, but thought about it and, really, was afraid I would lose. As a part of said court supervision I have to take this stupid ass defensive driving course. The only good thing is I can take it online - which means I don't have to sit in a fucking classroom full of sweaty asstrouts (I love that word!!) for 4 hours on a Saturday morning.

Yesterday I received in the mail information on where to log in to do this stupid ass online defensive driving course. I decided I would get a good start on the damned thing because I have to have it completed in a timely manner - whatever that means - I don't recall how much time I actually have. Something about it having to be done before I get my next period, but I'm not sure. I actually completed the first 2 sections of this stupid thing last night. And, ohmyfuckinggod, is it completely boring!! And takes forever to load. I think that's to prevent asstrouts like me from not actually reading it and continuously hitting NEXT as soon as it loads to get to the next part. But, no, it loads really really slow and pauses for about 60 seconds before allowing you to hit next - so you can ponder the material. Do I do that? Hell no. I just flip to another browser window and check out shit on EBay. Can't do that in a classroom now can you?

The funniest thing is the tests at the end of the section. Talk about completely lame. I mean, if you can't pass these tests without actually reading the material then, seriously, you're way too stupid to drive. Example - here's a question from this insanely idiotic test (probably not an actual question, but you'll get my point):

If you come up on a yellow traffic light what do you do?
A). Stop before it turns Red
B). Swerve around the car in front of you that stops before it turns red
C). Plow into the asstrout that is stopped at the yellow light before it turns red
D). Go like hell, it's gonna turn red

What I generally do is pick the exact opposite of what I would actually do in this situation - which would always be D) Go like hell, it's gonna turn red. The opposite would be to A) Stop before it turns Red. I mean, seriously, do we need to sit for 45 minutes of this section of the materials to know this shit?


Okay, I know what you're thinking if you're an avid blog reader - if anybody needs this fuckrageous defensive driving course it would be me. And, as much as I hate to admit it, you're absolutely correct. I'm a complete fucktard behind the wheel. And, I promise that I will keep my road rage under control, I won't allow other drivers on the road to control my driving, and I'll always remain courteous and allow others to drive like asshats all around me without flying off in a rage.

Any bets on how long that will last?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:41 AM   1 comments
Thursday, July 20, 2006
My Hair Hurts
.....
I really don't want to blog today.

As a matter of fact, I don't want to do much of anything today. I'm exhausted. And I mean that in a my legs, arms, face, and even my hair ache today kinda way. I think it started out when I woke up at about 5am without power. One good thing about waking up at 5am without power is that I didn't miss the alarm. But that's about it's only redeeming quality.

I wound up getting up at 6, got in the shower, and as soon as I got out of the shower the power went out again. Great. So, I just leave my hair wet, throw on some clothes, and walk out the door at about 6:15. I normally don't leave the house until 6:45 to 7:00, but I know today, with this fucked up weather, that it's going to take a lot longer to get there, plus I have to get gas.

First thing I notice as I pull out of the driveway is that my cell phone is almost out of power. And I don't have a car charger or any other kind of charging device at work. So, I turn around and get a charger. Then I have to go to the ATM to get money so I can get gas. Ok, that turns out okay, no drama there. Go to get gas. First pump I pull up to is out of order, but the out of order sign must have fallen off because there's no indication at all that this fucking thing doesn't work. So, I have to pull around to a different pump. This pump won't keep pumping unless you sit and hold the fucking thing so I have to stand, in the rain, pumping this fucking gas at a whopping $3.25 a gallon. Fuck!! I go inside to pay and I bang my knee on this stupid ass planter thing they have right by the fucking door. Fucktards. Move the fucking thing before somebody (namely, me) kills themselves.


Then I get the great, joyous ride to work in the storm *yay*. I can't wait. Lights are out everywhere, people are driving like complete assclowns. Suffice it to say that it took me an hour and 45 minutes to drive 14.5 miles.

Then this afternoon I have the joyous, wonderful experience of going back to my boobie doctor for my 3 month checkup. Wow, it's been three months already? Well, not quite, but very very close.

And you guys wonder why I'm so cranky all the time.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:17 AM   1 comments
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Pedophiles and Lawyers
...
The only difference between lawyers and pedophiles is the fact that lawyers fuck everybody.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 3:03 PM   0 comments
Rescue Me - Satisfaction
.....
Ok, does anybody love this show as much as I do? It's just so.....filthy, smart and funny.

What the hell is up with Sheila? Has she gone completely insane? Did she feed Tommy rufiecoladas mixed with viagra then rape him while he was passed out? You just know now she'll be pregnant, Tommy will be the father and he'll be like, "What the fuck? How did that happen?". But, then again, she did make it look like he drank himself into a stupor. What a bitch!!

Janet has also completely lost it (on a side note - why is every single woman on this show a nutbar? Nevermind. I think EVERYBODY on this show is a nut bar....) Who knew that the chick actually enjoys being raped and having rough sex with Tommy? If she woulda figured that one out years ago they would probably still be together. What I don't get is this - why is she so fucking crazy that she has to cheat? First, cheating on Tommy with his brother Johnny, then leaving Tommy for Johnny, now that she's with Johnny she's cheating on him with Tommy? Now that gave me a headache. Wow. Ok, babe. Maybe it's time to get some counseling?


Another thing I don't get is where the hell Jimmy has been? His dead firefighter friend? Tommy hasn't seen Jimmy or Jesus in a while. Looks like they're trying to get rid of that whole "I see dead people" angle. Good. It was a stupid angle to begin with.

And then there's Angie. Angie, who was Johnny's ex and is now messing around with Tommy to make Johnny and Janet jealous. Talk about extreme self esteem issues. Great.

Why oh why isn't Franco freaking out about his daughter still being gone? It's like it's not even mentioned anymore. And what's up with Sean and Maggie, Tommy's sister, who is the craziest bitch of them all? But, she's played by Tatum O'Neal so what can you expect? She gets off on Sean beating the crap outta other guys. Can you spell Psycho?

Mike the Probie - now there's a guy with extreme issues about his sexuality. Come on dude. You're gay, you like it when your guy roomate sucks your dick. So what. Just come out of the closet, along with Tom Cruise and everything will be okay. And did he really get with that chick thinking that she would fuck the gay out of him? I think I missed what actually happened. Did he do the girl or what?


And, please explain to me why Uncle Teddy is enjoying prison? He coulda been out weeks ago. Dumbfuck.

In conclusion the one big thing I've discovered about this show is that Tommy gets more ass than a toilet seat. I'm not surprised though, considering that Denis Leary writes most of the episodes (maybe even all of them, I'm not sure). I suppose if I were a guy writing a TV series that I was starring in I would probably make sure that I'm a stud too and kept the guest stars to have sex with a flowin'.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:45 AM   0 comments
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Thought for the Day
......
If LSD was to be advertised on T.V., would the slogan be 'LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand'?

And if God took acid, would he see people?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 1:36 PM   1 comments
My Sister's Daughter
...
First and foremost before we get into this whole thing today, let me say I do dearly love my niece. But, unfortunately, I can't stand the person she's become. She's selfish, immature, and extremely manipulative. But, she's also very sweet, kind, and a good mother. I love her, but I hate her too. I really hate to say that, but it's how I feel.

My sister's husband died from cancer at the age of 41 (I believe he was 41 - about 7 years ago) when my niece was the very tender age of 15 years old. She had to see her father shrivel up and die from a horrible disease, and that had to have been very difficult to bear, to say the least, for both my sister and her daughter. It wasn't an overnight illness that took him either, everybody knew that, eventually, this was going to kill him. You see, he had been diagnosed with malignant melanoma 5 years prior to his death. At that time, the doctors had removed a mass and did about a billion fucking tests to find out where it came from - because, the one thing they knew for absolute sure, is that it was a secondary cancerous tumor. Meaning, that it came from somewhere else in his body. But from where? That was the million dollar question.

My niece, from what I can figure out, really needed her father. Her mother, my sister, is a very dear woman but very....Naive. She's very book smart, but lacks the basic common sense that most people have (I digress - very few people have, from what I'm discovering). She can be easily manipulated and convinced of things. Her father, on the other hand, was the primary disciplinary figure of the household. He's the one that would put on the breaks. He wouldn't fall for the batting of the eyelashes thing, unlike my sister. I think my sister over compensated for her daughter losing her father by allowing her way too much freedom for a 15 year old girl. So much so, that at the age of 16 she was getting married and preparing to give birth to her first child. Which meant, unfortunately for my sister, that since her daughter is married that she loses the social security she was getting for her. Which not only put a financial strain on my sister since she lost a great deal of money each month, but also that she is now supporting her daughter, her daughter's husband, and their new baby.

My niece and her husband do try hard, I will give them that. But, they are young and completely into the ME stage of life. A few years after having their first child, and while still on public aid, they decide to have a second child. Now, I completely understand where it would be desirable to have your children close to each other in age, and to get it over with and have the second one before the first one is out of diapers and in school, however - when you are on public aid the last thing one should be doing is planning a pregnancy, especially when the father of these children is in nursing school and they are all still living with Mom.

I'm all for public aid and assistance for people who need it. Unfortunately, there are so many out there, like my niece in this blog, that tend to abuse the system. My other sister spends about $800 dollars a month on health insurance for her husband and herself. Yes, $800 dollars a MONTH!! She recently had surgery on her neck. Since insurance and health care in this country sucks so much ass (unless, of course, you don't have any insurance or a job but you have kids - then you'll get it all for free), my sister's insurance company would only pay so much of the bill and she's stuck with about $20,000 in medical bills as of this date. To me, it seems completely unfair that a young woman on public aid would plan a pregnancy knowing that she will need a C-Section because she knows she won't have to pay for it. To me, personally, I believe this to be a major travesty on the part of my niece. I love her, I sincerely do, but don't have another baby when you can't afford the one you have, okay?

Getting to the point. My nieces 2 boys are now 5 and 3 years of age and are stunningly beautiful little kids - just like my niece. They are still living with my sister but are purchasing my sisters house at the end of this month. My sister is currently shopping for another home - either a single family home or a condo, something that she won't have to share with 2 other adults and 2 children. I suggested to my sister yesterday that she might want to consider living with my niece and her husband for a year and let them pay the mortgage while she shops and saves her money and finally buys a newer car with air conditioning (you KNOW my nieces new car has air conditioning). She deserves it, right? My sister told me yesterday that her daughter wants her to move out of the house once they close on it - they are a young couple that need to be alone with their children. Ummmmmm.....can you spell UNGRATEFUL spoiled little bitch?!?!?!?!

Anyway, my sister's daughter. I love her, but I hate her. I'm sure everybody can relate to at least one person in their life like this.


On a side note: I will now, officially, never be able to tell my sister this blog exists. But, that's okay. I have to have a place that I can talk about this stupid stuff before it makes me insane. Well, more insane than usual.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:59 AM   4 comments
Monday, July 17, 2006
I Need My Daily Fix

I'm generally a pretty strange person. And, if you're a daily reader of this stupid little blog then I don't have to tell you that. But, what I'm actually referring to is my morning routine. We all have our little routines that we do to get ready for work, get ready to take the kidlets to school, or whatever the fuck you do when you wake up then immediately have to go someplace.

My problem with my routine this morning is that it didn't fall to plan because of my inability to keep my Sunday evening routine of setting the fucking alarm. So, I wake to my dear husband shaking me at 6:15 this morning saying, "Hey, dipshit, weren't you supposed to be up a half an hour ago?". To which my reply 2 seconds after I find out I'm going to be late to work is, "FUUUUUUCK". So, I decide to take a quickie little shower, not wash my hair (I washed it yesterday - I'm not that fucking gross) throw on some makeup, get dressed and walk out the door. I can do this in 1/2 an hour right? And I did. But, I did need a little help from my friend Mr. Caffeine. And the reason I started today's blog with "I'm generally a pretty strange person" is because I'm the one out of 5 people in the United States today that doesn't drink coffee. I get my caffeine fix from good ole Diet Pepsi.

Now, I just read this morning that,
Caffeine is the most popular legal addictive stimulating drug in the world. People become emotionally and physically dependent on their morning fix and, over time, develop a tolerance, generally needing more and more just to get through the day. Some scientists say it's as addictive as heroine or cocaine.

I'm thinking that the nitwit scientist that they asked about this has never actually taken heroine or cocaine because, sorry, how many people have you heard of that will suck dick for caffeine? Seriously.


There may be some actual truth in that statement, however. I am a big bitch - even bigger than usual if I don't have caffeine in the morning. So, luckily for you, I have 3 cans of the beautifully caffeinated, sparkling, bubbly Diet Pepsi to get me through the day. I guess if I run out, I can always prostitute myself for the buck fifty the Dunkin Donuts across the street charges for a single Diet Pepsi.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:43 AM   3 comments
1895 8th Grade Final Exam

First of all, thank you Kim (Cleo's Mama) for sending this and making me feel like a complete and total fucking loser idiot. I really needed that kick in the ass today! And what the fuck is Orthography anyway? I do NOT recall having that class in school. But, who knows. Maybe I was just really stoned that day.

Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out:

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.


8th GRADE FINAL EXAM

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no Modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of lie, lay and run
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs ., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
8 Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, and linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete. Gives the saying "she/he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it? What happened to us? It is kind of humbling, isn't it?

I'm a moron, I swear.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:29 AM   2 comments
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Bethany's Hair Design and Laser Hair Removal

Finally, after weeks of preparation, I finished and got the designing, webhosting and domain name servers done for:

Bethany's Hair Design and Laser Hair Removal.

The dipshits that registered the domain name had a bug up their ass and wouldn't switch it over correctly. Oh well, I guess that's all part of it.

posted by suebiedoobie @ 5:31 PM   1 comments
Friday, July 14, 2006
Speaking of Panties

What the Fuck London. Do we really need to be told this?

http://tinyurl.com/fdto8

Starflower

posted by suebiedoobie @ 9:17 AM   2 comments
Heya Daily Blog Readers

I feel better today. I could actually eat my breakfast of an apple/cinnamon nutragrain bar without it immediately coming back up to haunt me, unlike how I spent all day yesterday. There were times when I just had to say, "When the fuck did I eat corn?". Nevermind. I guess you just had to be there.

My dearest husband is back to work today too. Although, his wonderful, brilliant, brother who is also his boss called him every 2 hours to see if he was well enough to go back to work yet. What the fuck is that all about? Seriously, why would you think he would be better enough to get on a piece of heavy equipment while he's so dizzy he can barely walk to the bathroom every two hours? What a pain in the ass. He finally gave up around 2:00pm.

I'm alone in the office right now, just the way I like it! I love it when I can get into work an hour early and there isn't anybody around to fuck with me, or to give me more crap to do. The unfortunate part is that I just looked at the boss' calendar and he has an appointment, here in the office, in less than 20 minutes. Great. There goes my sanity. Ok, there he is, with his wife (who works here part time) walking in the door right now. Fuck.

I actually wore a dress into work today. Yes, a DRESS. I used to wear dresses all the time. As a matter of fact, there was a time that I didn't own anything BUT dresses and skirts. Those were the days of the nazi corporate environment that I worked in that wouldn't allow you to wear any kind of pants - even the itchy, polyester pant suits that my mother was so fond of in the 70's (sorry mom). And, to top it all off, you weren't allowed to wear any skirts or dresses without the proper hosiery. Which meant that about every 2 days I was off buying more stinking pantyhose. I lived in pantyhose. But, back in those days, I had a huge fat ass and big booming thunder thighs so I actually liked wearing those painfully uncomfortable Legg's Shear Energy (control top, sheer toe - in the silver and blue container? Anyway...). The only downside to not wearing pantyhose is I just know that when the boss gets here he's going to turn the air down so freaking low my panties are going to get frostbite. Great. Just want I wanted. Icicle underwear.

posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:35 AM   2 comments
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I'm Sick....Leave me ALONE!!

That's what I plan to say to anybody that tries to speak to me today. I woke up at about 3am, heaving my guts out. I think it was the chicken I made last night because my husband is sick too. And, yes, I washed my stinking hands before handling the chicken! It was definately cooked all the way through too. Who knows. Fucking chicken.

Anyway, I'm only here in the office this morning to get any critical things off my desk before I go home, take some drugs, and pass out. In that order. I still can't believe I got my pukey ass up this morning and actually made it into work at all. That wouldn't have happened 5 years ago. 5 years ago they would have been lucky if I came into work at all. Ever. Of course, I had a job where I could work from home. Fuck, I miss that job. Too bad I got laid off. Ah, well, that's life.

Ok, I'm getting this shit done so I can get the fuck outta here.

Peace!!
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:51 AM   4 comments
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Thought for the Day

I live every day as if it were my last because eventually, one day I'll be right
posted by suebiedoobie @ 2:23 PM   1 comments
Death and Taxes

I'm really not sure what to blog about today. This hasn't happened to me yet, so I'll make an attempt and see what comes up here.

Maybe I should talk about what's going on in my life? Not sure if you're at all interested, and I'm not even sure I want to even get into it but I'll give it a shot.

Me and my wonderful husband are attempting, for the first time, to purchase a home. We've been renters for a while now and, really, it's killing us. It hurts us the most at tax time, mostly because we also do not have children. Which means, percentage wise, we pay the most taxes of anybody in the country. And we don't like it!!

House hunting and purchasing your first property is probably the biggest pain in the ass known to man. At first, you get all excited - you're looking at houses and you find stuff you like and you're all in that honeymoon stage of the game. Then you see the prices of these properties that you like and that excited stage is completely gone. Then you realize that you can't get what you really want, so you have to decide where you're willing to settle. We decided that we really wanted to get a house that we can live in for five years or so then sell and move up to something that we really want. Even the houses and/or townhouses that we are willing to settle with are way out of our price league in this area (Chicago suburbs). Then you start talking to your mortgage people and you REALLY realize how broke you are. Right now, we have no down payment. And, the reason we have no down payment is because we pay outrageous rent on the 2 bedroom house we're currently in. And
combined with the additional $4,000 in taxes last year we had to pay, on top of the fucking outrageous amount that they're already taking out of our pitiful paychecks, we're pretty pitifully broke. So saving has been completely out of the question. That, and my spending habits over the last year were way off the charts. Which, really, I don't feel bad about in the least. I went years spending absolutely nothing on myself. So, I had some catching up to do.

I figure for us to be able to actually buy a house without going so far into debt that we'll be eating macaroni and cheese for the next fucking 30 years, that it will take us at least two years to save up enough money. And that's just so we can buy a house that the mortgage isn't higher than what we're currently paying in rent. Which, makes no sense to me at all. I thought you bought property so you wouldn't be paying more in rent than you would a mortgage. Which obviously is not the case. Stupid me.


So, things are a little depressing in our household right now. We're not going to be buying any property this year, which means that my end of year bonus will be going directly into the bank to pay for whatever taxes we have left due from this year, plus any taxes that we'll be having to pay next year because we don't own property yet!! It's such a vicious circle. How can you afford to buy property when you can't save money for the down payment because any extra penny you make has to go back to the IRS?? It's the stuff that bank robbers are made of.

Anyway, I got to thinking last night before I fell asleep that I'll probably be working until I'm dead. I currently do contribute to a 401K, but let's get realistic. By the time I'm actually able to collect on that it might buy me a tank of gas. And with social security it might be there, it might not, who the fuck knows. Then I got to thinking about how long I really want to live anyway. I'm thinking maybe to 70 years old, tops. After that, I really don't have anybody to change my stinky Depends undergarments because of my inability to conceive and have children. Which means that the only joy of being an old fart is ruined for us - grandchildren!

So, I won't bore you with any more details about this little house hunting / mortgage groping thing we're trying to do because, quite frankly, I'm boring myself with this nonsense. For today, I would just like to get through the day without thinking every 10 seconds here at work WHAT THE HELL AM I WORKING FOR ANYWAY? And to get through this morning without thinking about that part time job that I really need to start looking for. Seriously, I'm not even sure where to start looking on that one. Where does a 43 year old woman go to make a few extra bucks in the evenings and on weekends? Because I'm obviously too old to be getting naked and having dollar bills shoved down my G-String - and I'm too old to be giving balding even older old men lap dances. Any suggestions from you out there?

I guess no matter how you slice it, life just sucks sometimes.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:56 AM   7 comments
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Thought for the Day

How can you look up a spelling in a dictionary? Surely you must already know the spelling to look it up?
posted by suebiedoobie @ 3:01 PM   0 comments
I Can't Bitch....My Life is Over

I had a rant all lined up this morning. I was so ready to start bitching and moaning about this, but now I can't. So, now I'm pissed that I can't be pissed. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Anyway, I get into work this morning and, of course, my boss is already here. I'm thinking - that dick. He's only here to check up on me, to make sure I'm actually here at 7:30. Asshat. So, I sit down and turn the computer on and do my morning routine of checking the backups to make sure they ran (and it didn't - fuck!! That means that this afternoon I have some 'splainin' to do) and popped the top on my Diet Pepsi. Then I notice that my little heater is gone. That fucker!! He took my heater - AGAIN!! He likes it freezing in here and I'm sitting here shivering wondering where my little heater is.

Then I remember that I have court this Thursday for the dumbesttrafficticketintickethistory ever and I completely forgot. Great!! I want to do court supervision so my already astronomical insurance premiums don't go even higher, but to do court supervision you have to go to traffic school. Now, that totally blows. If you've ever been to traffic school, you know how much those things totally suck ass. It also states that you have to sign up at least 10 days prior to your court date - which is in 2 days so I missed that. Great.

Ok, now here's all the good news. Shocking, I know. Me, the eternal pessimist is giving you the good side of things:

1) My boss actually has an appointment here in the office at 8:00 so it really isn't that strange that he would be here at 7:30. Me, in my infinite paranoia, just believed that he was here to check up on me when he could actually probably not give a rats ass.


2) My little heater is actually sitting on the other side of the copier. He moved it so he could vacuum around my desk - me being the slob that I am. Actually, it's not so much me being a slob - the paper shredder is behind my chair. My boss decided to be a nice guy and empty the shredder for me and little shards of paper got all over the floor so he cleaned up his own mess. I feel like an ass now.

3) The tape backup. It was actually a tape error and not an operator (me) error. We have a bad tape. So, I tell the boss that we need more tapes and a head cleaner and he tosses me his credit card. Which is nice since the last time he gave me his credit card to go and get some office supplies the guy in line behind me at the store stole the credit card. Ok, details. I paid with the credit card, I turned around and walked about 5 steps and realized that I didn't get the credit card back, turned around and walked the 5 steps back to the cashier and the credit card was nowhere to be found. So, I'm not sure who the bigger dipshit in this scenario is - me, for forgetting to get it back or the checkout bimbo that couldn't remember what she did with it so figured that somebody nabbed it. I digress....

4) I call the courthouse about my dumbesttrafficticketintickethistory. I find out that I can not only still get in the supervision and traffic school as long as I drop the paper work off to the courthouse before my courtdate (Thursday) along with $105 (fuck!!!) and admit that I'm a guilty fuck who crossed the turnlane line early. Yes, this is what this dumbesttrafficticketintickethistory is all about. Traffic was backed up and I'm turning left so I crossed the yellow line about 3 car lengths early to get into the turn lane. How fucked up is that? Ok, I did it, whatever. Then, and here's the best part, I can do the traffic school ONLINE!! I don't even have to GO to traffic school. How sweet is that? I can do without paying the $105, but let's just get it over with. My boss even tells me to go ahead around lunch and take some time to go to the courthouse to get it taken care of. If he only knew....

So, let's recap. I was all ready to be a total bitch on my blog here this morning, but then I couldn't find a reason to rant. What the hell is this world coming to? Perhaps I am my own worst bitch enemy.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:00 AM   0 comments
Monday, July 10, 2006
Trust?

First of all, let me say I absolutely cannot stand the feeling of not being trusted. That’s a big one for me. I deem myself a very trustworthy individual and believe that once somebody has earned my trust then I will trust them until they prove they can no longer be trusted.

The subject of teenagers and trust came up over the weekend. A few individuals who have actually benefited from the actual experience of raising a teenager believe that teenagers are not to be trusted. Ever. Personally, I think that’s bogus and, as you already should have figured out by now, I will explain in great and glorious detail.

These individuals believe that teenagers should have no privacy nor have any rights. They should be monitored at all costs and you should absolutely never assume that they will ever tell the truth about anything. They believe that their internet should be monitored. That their cell phones have GPS enabled so the parent will know exactly where their child is at any given moment. They believe that you should always check up on the teen no matter where they are – because, again, they could get around the whole GPS by leaving their cell phone someplace. There are about a thousand different ways a teen can get around all these things and fool you into believing they are where they say they are - doing what they say they’re doing. And they can do all this because the teenager is always a lot smarter at technical gizmos than their adult parent counterpart. And, if you don’t believe me, just ask a teenager. They know everything!

Human beings have a very basic need to be trusted. Because, really, how can you first learn to trust if you cannot be trusted yourself? Sure, all of these monitoring things all sound great because we all know they’re smug little shits that always lie anyway, right? Personally, I don’t know why you guys even let them loose at all. I think once they hit the age of 12 they should be locked up and not released until their 24th birthday.

Actually, no, I don’t believe that at all. I prefer a much more traditional approach. I only have my own teen years and how my parents handled it to guage this by, since I do not have the benefit of owning my own teenager. My parents trusted their own parenting skills and figured by the time I was 16 years old that they’ve taught me about all they can teach me and the rest is up to me. Maybe that’s the problem today. People no longer trust their own parenting skills and figure that they have to be doing a shitty job since they’re never around anymore to actually do it themselves.

Yea, I know, this is all so simple to me, since I don’t have kids. But, I know what it’s like to be treated like a child – as a 43 year old adult. It happens every morning when I go to work. I come in an hour earlier than I used to so I can leave an hour earlier. So, now, my boss ALSO comes in an hour earlier and is in the office when I get here. Do you really think it’s because he has more work to do now? Could be. But, I think I’m like the proverbial teenager that can’t be trusted to be here when I say I’m going to be here and might LIE and say that I was here earlier and could actually come in late. Who would know right? And, even as adults we still can’t be trusted. It’s a fucked up world out there.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:12 AM   1 comments
Friday, July 07, 2006
Push for Simpler Spelling?

Are they fucking kidding us? Seriously? They want the English language to be butchered because there are so many dumb asses in this country that can't spell for shit? What the hell is this world coming to?

Read the Article Here
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:16 AM   0 comments
I Hate my Job

With all the traffic issues that I've been ranting about now for the past month it was decided that I could come in an hour earlier, and leave an hour earlier. Which means that my usual hours of 8:30 to 4:30 have been changed to 7:30 to 3:30. And I'm very cool with this because it means I have to spend less time in traffic and you guys don't have to hear me bitch about it. And if you believe that then would you be interested in a bridge I have for sale in the Mojave desert?

It's not without it's pitfalls, however. That means that there's a whole hour from 3:30 to 4:30 that I'm not here but everybody else is. And, generally speaking, an entire hour of peace between 7:30 and 8:30 when there's nobody here but me. Only, not today. My boss was here at 7:30 when I get here. Here's why I bring this up - I get into work today at 7:30 and the first thing I notice is that there were papers sitting on the right side of my desk (notice I used the word WERE?) that are no longer there. Fine, you want to take stuff off my desk then at least do the work. But, nooooooo. I look over at coworkers desk and guess what? It's now sitting on her desk but still hasn't been done. I sit down, turn my computer on, and before I hear the fucking Windows ta-da bossman is at my desk asking about these papers. He was looking for them this morning and they weren't where they were yesterday. I'm like, yea, they're on stupidbitchfromhellcoworkers desk. He then told me that he's upset because he needed them at 7:00am this morning and couldn't find them and he needs to know why they were moved and nobody told him. I said - How the fuck should I know? They were here yesterday when I left, on co-workers desk when I came in today and if you want to know why they're there then I suggest you ask the stupidbitchfromhellcoworker and leave me the hell out of it. I mean, what the fuck?

Another nice thing about being here alone between 7:30 and 8:30 is the peace and quiet. Our hours of operation are 8:30 to 4:30 so when I'm here at 7:30 and the phone rings, I don't answer it. But, today, since the boss is here, the phone rang at 7:35, I ignore it as usual, and he yells from his office, "Are you going to answer that?". I'm like, ummmmm.....no. That's one of the reasons I like to come in early. I can get shit done without having to take idiotic calls from morons at 7:30am. He said that isn't going to fly and if I'm here I have to answer the phone. Fuck!! Don't you know I'm working on my blog during this hour?

Seriously, I'm taking a 1/2 a day vacation today. I can't handle these 3 day work weeks.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 7:36 AM   4 comments
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Thought for the Day

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 1:09 PM   1 comments
And the Asshole Driver of the Week Award Goes To….

Let me start out first by saying that I’m not a racist person by nature. I hate everybody equally and race has absolutely nothing to do with it. However. Sometimes, a sterotype is a stereotype for a reason.

And I’ll start by saying this is more true with blonde women than anything. We do meet up to the stereotypical hype more often than not. We have tried the old “artificial intelligence” method by which we darken our hair to brunette. But, the blonde roots will always rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times. No, I’m not a natural blonde but I have been a blonde for over 10 years so I think that officially makes me a member of their unofficial club.

Today, I saw another instance where a sterotype proved itself to be true. And I know this is going to get me into so much trouble that I’m not sure if I should even continue…..oh, what the fuck. What do I care what you think? There’s a group of a certain Asian persuasion that simply can’t drive. And, for the sake of this blog I will simply refer to them as dumbfuckdriversfromhell. We all know who they are and they are absolutely the worst menace to modern driving society. They rate lower than the blonde cell phone driver – and that’s saying a hell of a lot.

There’s a stop light right by where I work. If you’re traveling southbound through this light there is a little side street immediately to your left that I and other people need to turn onto because we’re all very anxious to get to work and could never imagine being late. There are office buildings, a day care, a Firestone auto center (that will fuck you – but that’s another story) and other business type places. Sometimes it’s a little hard to make that left onto this street because it’s a very high traffic four lane road that you’re turning from. If you’re traveling northbound on this 4 lane road it backs up at the light and means that the little street is almost always blocked. Today, there were two cars waiting to turn left at this little street (me included) and one car wanting to turn left out of the little street. So, you generally have wait until the traffic backs up and somebody will always stop right before the street and allow us to proceed. Well, today, there was a certain dumbfuckdriverfromhell in a minivan no less that decided it was ok to just STOP in the middle of the intersection and wait there for the light. Inconsiderate FUCK!! And I see her because I’m just sitting there right in front of her waiting for her to move her fucking ass so I can turn and she’s just laughing and singing to the radio oblivious to anything that is around her at all. So I sit….and I sit….and I wait. Light turns green. But, now you have to wait for the light to turn red again so the traffic can build up so somebody that is NOT a dumbfuckdriverfromhell will stop and allow you to turn.

But, on the other hand, I’m not sure if it’s a dumbfuckdriverfromhell thing or a minivan thing. Because, well, let’s be honest. Minivan drivers are even worse than dumbfuckdriversfromhell. But, when you have a dumbfuckdriverfromhell, in a minivan, talking on a cell phone with blonde hair? Get the fuck out of the way.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 8:25 AM   3 comments
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Fourth of July? or Maybe the First, if it's More Convenient
....
I completely understand how it's always best to do things when they're more convenient. This applies to things like vacation, grocery shopping, and having dinner. But does this really need to be the case with holidays....especially IMPORTANT holidays?

I remember Fourth of July when I was a kid. I lived in a small town and everybody knew that on July Fourth the town's park would be hosting a bodacious, kick ass fireworks show. It was a huge event - the town would basically shut down, everybody would go to the park and picnic all day then lounge on their blanket and wait for the fireworks show. Everything
was consistent - even the day it was held - the Fourth of Fucking July!!

This year the Fourth of July fell on a Tuesday. So, we planned to go out with some friends for the Fourth of July and find someplace to see a band, get some drinks and some food, and watch some fireworks. Maybe take in an outdoor bar that has a band going on or maybe just someplace that has SOMETHING happening on this holiday. What's nice is around here there are a million little communities that, you would think, you would have a million things to choose from on the Fourth of July. If you're familiar at all with Northern Illinois and the Chicago Suburbs there's about 40 different communities to choose from.

We decide that there's one place in particular that always has a great outdoor party every sunny weekend in the summer. It's called the
Broken Oar.

Starflower

So we go out to the Oar. There's nobody there - it's completely dead!! Did we sleep through the Fourth of July and it's the fifth and we don't know it? So, we have a drink and decide to check out Keif's Reef. Still, nothing, completely boring. No band, no food, just some beer. So, there's another place to check out and try - Famous Freddie's in Fox Lake.

Again, boring!! But, they have great food so we finally get something to eat at least. While we're there we overhear that the Fox Lake fireworks are happening at Minneola Bay that evening. So we go there. No fucking fireworks!!! There is at least a bar so we have a drink. We ask the bartender where the hell the fireworks are. He tells us that Fox Lake had theirs on Saturday night along with everybody else in a 50 mile radius. So at this point, we all decide it's just wise to cut our losses and just admit defeat - there isn't anything to do on the Fourth of July and we're not seeing any fucking fireworks anywhere.

Ahhhh....I long for the days that you could actually see Fireworks on the Fourth of July (not July First). I miss when the Fourth of July is actually celebrated ON the Fourth of July. Maybe we should start to celebrate Christmas on December 22nd - it just might be more convenient.
posted by suebiedoobie @ 9:28 AM   2 comments

Six Foot Model - Too Young

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Name: suebiedoobie
Home: Illinois, United States
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