... It all started yesterday, when I took a turn into the Twilight Zone on my way home from work.
I'm sitting at a traffic light, minding my own business. Listening to some shit on the radio and thinking about all the crap of the day. When I hear a man's yelling voice behind me. I turn down the radio, roll down the window to some psycho screaming that he loves me and wants to marry me. Ummm, yea, ok there big guy. Just let me live and we'll see what we can do. Of course, my current husband isn't going to be too pleased when I get home and announce that I'm leaving him for some psycho random guy behind me in traffic. Yea, that'll happen.
From then on, it seemed that things got back to normal. Almost. My husband was getting ready leave for his 7 o'clock band practice while I cooked some pork chops and a salad for dinner. We ate, as people do, then he left. I decided to take this opportunity to cruise out to McHenry and see if Maurice's has anything cute on sale. Of course, I found the cutest pair of Silver jeans. And they had one left in my size! I tried them on and they fit great, only barring that if they stretch out at all (and Silver's usually do) then they might be too big. But, oh well, I'm sure they'll shrink up a little bit so I should be okay. I took two really pretty white, transparent, wrinkly (on purpose) gauzy shirts in with me. And they had one in my size in that as well. So, I try on the shirt and I'm checking myself out in the mirror when I notice all this green shit all over the place. I take off the shirt and I notice that there's green spots of shit on my stomach, on my chest, on my neck, on my cheek - what the fuck is this shit? So, I take off the jeans. There's the culprit - the mother fucking anti theft ink device broke open all over the jeans I was planning on buying!! FUCK!!! So, I get as much off of me as I can, get dressed, and take the stuff up to the counter and tell the girl, "What the fuck?" to which she replies, "What the fuck what?", so I show her. She's like, "Fuck!!", I said, "Yea, my sentiments exactly." When she realized that this device just cost her a sale, she was very quick to ask if I would be interested in her seeing if she can find another pair at another store. I'm like, yea, sure, whatever. So I wait. She calls and another store has them in the size I tried on and in one smaller size. So what size do I want? I'm like, fuck, I dunno. I'm thinking the smaller size, but what if they're too small? She sees my dilemma and says, "We'll have 'em both shipped here.". I'm like, great, fantastic, call me when it comes in. Off back home I go.
So, I get home and I'm putting the dishes away when all of a sudden - kaaaboom. The power goes out. It's, like, 8:30 so it's just dark enough that I have to fumble for a flashlight so I can find the candles. But I'm home alone - fuck!! I'm so bored. Then I think - wait, did we pay the power bill? Yea, I paid that online 2 days ago, so I look outside. It's dark everywhere. *whew* Well, my husband pulls into the driveway 10 minutes after the power goes fucking bat shit. We sit in the dark for about an hour, laughing at stupid crap until we were so bored we couldn't stand it anymore and decided to go to sleep. The power came back on at around 11:30. I just hope all my crap in the freezer didn't defrost. That would so suck ass.
Fast forward to me driving into work today. Right off of our street there was a really awesome big wreck. Hope nobody was hurt!! Anyway, it appears that some truck decided that he didn't want to stop at the light, but, unfortunately, everybody in front of him had other ideas. So, this truck bashes into the car in front of him, the car in front of him bashes into the car in front of him and so on, and so on, and so on....for about 5 cars. So, I had to maneuver around ambulances, fire trucks and police vehicles a block away from my house.
Then, as I'm driving down this 2 lane road I get to a stop light. There's a van in front of me. I see a girl in the passenger side jump up from the seat, wiggled her way to the back seat, and proceeded to remove her top. I'm still not sure what the hell she was doing because she's sitting there, with her boobs in the back window staring at me, and she's fumbling all around for what I assume is another top. But, when she puts the top back on it's the same one she had on before. She looks down, realizes it (I think, I'm still not sure), and takes it off again. Puts on another top and I swear to God you can't make this shit up, puts the same top back on. She then shimmies back up to the front seat. Eventually, I wind up passing this van and at the next light I glance in my rear view mirror and I notice she keeps putting her head down under the window, like on the center console. Then she pops her head back up, then the guy puts his head down on the center console. I have no idea what drugs they were doing, but they had to be good considering she took off and put the same top on 3 times AND didn't seem to notice that there were other cars around her?
