... Yesterday, I gave the top 10 changes family and friends go through when you quit smoking. I think it's only fair that today, I give the top 10 benefits of smoking. But more on that later.
First I have to tell you about what I discovered on my way to work this morning. And I know what you're thinking and I'm taking great pleasure with the fact that you, dear blog reader, are completely wrong. I'm not going to complain about traffic or about how this assclown over here or that dildo over there pulled out in front of me, mooned me, did disgusting gestures with his tongue or otherwise lacked any sense of driving ability at all. No, I'm going to discuss how this morning I realized that I am, in fact, one of those stupid ass drivers on the road that I love to bitch non-stop about.
I'm driving along, minding my own business, when I look down at my speedometer and realize that I am, in fact, driving at about 83 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. Probably not the best thing in the world to do, considering I'm on court supervision for the lamest ticket ever. And, given the fact that I am driving a bright as the motherfucking sun at 6:00am after being up until 5 partying all night long yellow car, I should probably tame my own sloppy ass aggressive driving behavior. So, I slowed down to about 7 mph over the speed limit. Ok, I'm a liar. 10 mph over the speed limit. Hey, I gotta start somewhere and at this speed I wasn't even passing anybody up!
Now, onto the Top 10 benefits of smoking. 10. You get more sick days off of work. 9. You don't have to worry about losing money in the stock market since you have nothing left to invest since smokes are up to, what, 5 bucks a pack now? 8. Where else can you get a mini vacation like the one you get at the hospital? Stay in bed all day and watch TV! 7. When you get an x-ray of your chest you can have hours of fun connecting the dots. 6. Your family will be able to take that cruise they've been dreaming of with your life insurance money 5. You can take that money you've been investing in your 401k since you won't make it to retiremement anyway. 4. To feel good, knowing no one else can get hurt from this cigarette, you're really taking one for the team. 3. Smokers are less likely to get Alzheimer's - they don't get that old. 2. It's a cheap way to take a vacation, only 5 dollars to get to Marlboro country. 1. If you get throat cancer, you get that cool voice-box with it! Won't that be fun at parties!
Happy Friday and have a fun and safe weekend everybody!
I love reading your blog.
Every single day you write something that makes me laugh.
I recently quit smoking too so it's really funny to read this today.
Take care!