You know what I just don't like to do? Shake hands with somebody. And it's hard to not throw up a little bit in my mouth when I do. And it's not like you can be rude and say - ummm, no thanks. I don't know where the hell your hand has been. And, especially in business, everybody extends their hand for you to shake. And why is this unnecessary bodily contact even still practiced anyway? And where did the origins of the handshake even begin?
So, I used my good friend Google and here's what I found:
"The actual beginning of the handshake is as difficult to specifically determine as most events that happened before written history. However, there are many accounts that provide both comedy and insight. One origin offered by Herbert Spencer, in his book The Principles of Sociology, is that of two Arabs meting in a desert. They each reach for the others hand to kiss it in greeting. However, it is an insult to have your hand kissed by another individual, so both men try to withdraw from the lips of the other man. The end result of this meeting is the acceptance by both men that they wouldn't kiss the others hand, and thus they ended up only clasping the hand of the other, and the handshake was born. The mutual acceptance by the two men that the hands wouldn't be kissed shows the equality between the two individuals."
Or this:
"Perhaps a more practical origin of the handshake comes from medieval Europe, where kings and knights would extend their hands to each other, and grasp the others hand as a demonstration that each did not possess concealed weapons and intended no harm to the other."
Okay, now how stupid is that?
The problem with the handshake and my uneasiness about it has nothing at all to do with kissing my hand or the possibility that the other party has some kind of concealed weapon - it has more to do with the obvious - hygiene. There's a new study that says that only 66 percent of men were seen washing their hands in a public restroom. 66 percent! That's only a little more than half. But, they claim that 77 percent of more than 6,000 men and women washed their hands in public restrooms - a 6 percent decline compared with a similar study in 2005. So, 6 percent. Think about that. If I have to shake the hands of ten people in a day that means that at least a quarter of them probably took a shit and didn't wash their hands afterwards. Great.
Would people get offended if I first put on rubber gloves before reaching for their hand? Probably. So, I guess the only solution to this nasty problem is to buy a little bottle of that hand sanitizing shit and every time I have to touch somebody immediately offend them by sanitizing myself. Or wait until they leave - which means their nasty ass germs can gestate on my skin for that much longer. Gross.
The best possible solution is I can cut off my right hand which would leave them with embarrassment when they go to reach for it to shake it and see a stump. Of course, I always did tend to think in extremes.
I've often thought about that issue. Especially when men leave a bathroom without washing their hands. And they actually touch that body part to give it the old shake - where (most) women don't exactly touch anything but toliet paper. Can I say ick!
LMAO! I love the stump idea! It would almost seem worth it to see their reaction! That is of course if you do it, not me.
We have this family doctor that likes to shake hands but he has that weird dead fish handshake, it would almost be worth sporting a stump to avoid that too.
I've often thought about that issue. Especially when men leave a bathroom without washing their hands. And they actually touch that body part to give it the old shake - where (most) women don't exactly touch anything but toliet paper. Can I say ick!