Yea, I know. You're going to think, by the end of this post, how happy you are that I'm not in charge of shit. But, if I were...... (queue dream sequence now)
1. I would have my own lane built on all roads in America. And you aren't invited to use it. Unless you give me money or gifts, take your pick.
2. I would make it official that the work week will be changed to working 2 days and having 5 days off. I always believed they had it backwards anyway.
3. I would make it illegal to talk on your cell phone while driving for longer than a 2 minute conversation. If you must carry on a longer conversation, you will be required to pull into a parking lot of some kind and not off the side of the road to continue. Hey, this is for the rest of you - I have my own lane and will be avoiding assclowns with cell phones.
4. Speaking of cell phones, it will be required that your license plate on your car also include your cell phone number. That way when you're driving like a fucktard we call your sorry ass and tell you off. Which would render the bird obsolete. Yea, I know what you're thinking. This will kill rule 3. I thought of this. That's why there's a 2 minute coversation limit. It doesn't take longer than 2 minutes to call somebody a stupid fucking dickwad and where did you get your license? From the same people that ordain you as a minister on the internet? See, it all works out. 5. If you go on welfare you will be required to have some kind of birth control device installed before you will receive your first check and for 2 years following the receipt of your last check. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm dead tired of supporting bitches who get knocked up at the drop of her pants and expect the rest of us to support them and their 6 kids. Get a JOB like the rest of us you lazy bitch.
6. You will be allowed to collect social security after 25 years of paying into it. So, if you start working at 18 and continue to work for 25 years then you collect when you're 43. Hey, it's possible if we're not supporting all the lazy skanks in point 5.
7. The Credit Bureaus. Get rid of all of them and setup a system that is fair and not for profit. Any butt reaming jackoff company can give you a bad mark in a week but just try to get something removed from your report that is incorrect. I dare you!
And those are just a few of the things I would implement immediately. There are many many others and, if elected, I will do my very very best to uphold the law of Sue. Of course, any law that I deem worthy in my kingdom has the right to be changed at will by me at any moment.
(I think I just killed any dream of a political career...good thing I hate politics).
So what kind of gift would you require to use your traffic lane?
I wish I had my own too.
Moody