.... Either that or I'm better at telling a joke than I thought.
Yes, I got pulled over by the police today. Asswipe fucktard cop pulled me over for doing 70 in a 40. The fucking nerve!
So, this cop comes to my door demanding my license, registration, proof of insurance, and my "get out of VD free" card. He then asks me, "What's your hurry?". That is by far the most idiotic question a cop can possibly ask you. My hurry? Well, where do we begin? If you read my blog then you already know how I feel about driving in traffic
So, anyway, said cop is not an unattractive man. To my shock he's actually quite Ponchy (for you little kids out there - there was a really horribly bad television show called CHIPS in the, what, 80's? Nevermind). He then tells me that he didn't pull me over to be an asshole. Yea, whatever, but that makes me laugh anyway. Then he asks me why I'm laughing. I tell him it reminds me of a joke, which is the truth. Yea, I know. Telling the truth to a cop. How unconventional. So, now, I piqued his curiosity. He wants to know said joke. Of course, if I tell him this joke I know he'll lock my sorry ass up until I'm well past menopause and my coochie has all but dried up. But, I think, what the hell. Maybe this cop has a sense of humor (yea, right) and I should tell him my stupid joke. And it goes something like this:
A guy is driving down the freeway, speeding, going to work. There's a cop under the overpass taking radar. As he passes the cop the cop pulls out, lights and siren blaring, and pulls the guy over. The cop asks the guy the dumbest question imaginable, "What's your hurry?". The guy tells the cop that he's late for work. Of course, the cop asks the obligatory stupid second question, "What do you do that's so important that you need to speed to get there on time.". He tells the cop, "I'm a rectum stretcher.". The cop, now fascinated, asks the guy, "A rectum stretcher? Seriously? What does a rectum stretcher do exactly?". The guy tells him, "Exactly what it sounds like. I stretch rectums." . The cop now is very interested in this line of work and asks him how big the biggest rectum he ever stretched is. The guy tells him, "6 feet". The cop is just astounded at this and asks the guy, "What would anybody possibly do with a 6 foot asshole?". The guy tells him, "Give him a radar gun and put him under a bridge".
Needless to say, I figured at this point I'm done for. I'll be getting ass raped in a woman's prison someplace by some bitch named Moe. But, to my surprise, the cop comes back to my car and doesn't hand me a ticket at all but gives me back my license and a card. On the card is his phone number. He tells me, "Give me a call if you have any more jokes. Can't wait to hear them." and walks away.
I think I'm going to start taking another route home from work.
Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
»