How often do you find yourself getting really pissed off a day? Not stark raving lunatic “somebody took a shit on my desk” pissed off but calling perfect strangers you’ve never even spoken to before “butt munching fucking stupid ass motherfucker idiot assclown freaks that shouldn’t be allowed to live” pissed off?
I decided to write down all the times somebody pissed me off yesterday and I was forced to call them some kind of dirty name. Granted, I don’t recall the actual names of everybody that had the misfortune to cross my path, but I tried the best I could to remember exactly what it was that pissed me off. And here we go:
7:45am – driving to work. Monday morning. Garbage day. Had to call the garbage guy in the big ass garbage truck blocking my driveway so I can’t get out and is making me late for work a fucking moron.
7:50am - guy in right lane that is ending goes 80mph to pass the people waiting in line for their turn at the light in the the lane that is still open. Hello!! Wait your turn you fucking cockmaster like the rest of us.
9:00am – go to scan some documents at work and discover that the scanner isn’t working in the brand new copier we just purchased and had installed 2 weeks ago. Seems the asswipe that came out to clear a paper jam wound up erasing all the network settings on the copier forcing me to have to set it all up...again..for the 3rd fucking time. Good thing I used to work in networking otherwise we would never be able to make a copy. Ever.
11:00am - had a old cranky customer call to complain that they received a 120 dollar increase after they replaced their 1990 piece of shit Chevy with liability only with a 2005 piece of shit Chevy with full coverage. Ummm…hello!! Full coverage with a new car is going to cost more to insure than a 16 year old car with liability only. Freaking stupid ass people.
1:00pm – I just remember I have to find out where the stupid ass defensive driving classes are so I can get court supervision on the dumbest traffic ticket ever. Fuck!!
4:15pm – driving from work to home. Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. Had to call the Illinois Department of Transportation (better known as IDOT, or IDIOT) a bunch of fucktards for tearing down Lake Cook Road at the Bridge and closing all west bound lanes of traffic for construction. Then I had to call them fucktards a second time for all the construction on Route 22 making it impossible to drive the 15 miles I need to get home in less than an hour and 15 minutes. Good thing I have that really fast Mustang GT Convertible that never goes over 30 miles an hour to and from work because of all the fucking traffic.
6:00pm – My husband (from this point on will be referred to simply as My husband. But only until I can come up with something better to call him) called to let me know he’s working late. Again. I don’t call him any names because it’s really not his fault – it’s his butt reaming, slave driving, all work no play pain in the ass brothers’ fault.
8:00pm – Lay down exhausted from being pissed off all day to find out something I thought I recorded on the sometimes pain in the ass TIVO box didn’t record. But, really, I think I need to call myself a fucking twit on this one.
And this is by far an incomplete list. I decided that maybe today I should try to work on my attitude a little bit and not let things piss me off. But, who am I kidding? By noon I’m sure I’ll have created new and interesting things to call perfect strangers when they piss me off. Please leave suggestions as I'm running out of ideas…….. |
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